healing
How to heal fully and properly.
Authentic me
My life story of challenging my inner strength with a somewhat invisible disability… It was Grade 5, the last year of my life as I had known it. Something had drastically changed, switched on or off depending on how you see it. Chronic illness has arrived. Darkness and BLACK. They say that black is the absence of colour, I believe it, my colour was gone. Even my facial colour, drained and strained, looking so pale with the only colour in my withered and tired body were my legs and feet turning PURPLE upon standing too long. My heart racing upon movement and position and almost passing out, nauseated, vomiting, unable to eat, so bad they considered tube feeding, migraines, eating handfuls of salt, so many different types of medications, natural, traditional, tilt table tests, stamina testing the list is never ending. So many suggestions and opinions from perplexed and well educated pprofessionals. Family stands by, friends come and most go, not realizing what has happened to this human that was full of life, laughter, school. I remember crying just saying all I want to do is just go to school and be a “normal“ teenager. After years of “what is this” that has made me into someone that cannot function with SO MANY SYMPTOMS that NO ONE can figure out, who is this person? I dig deep searching for the strength to move on in my life of unknown future. I see 100’s of doctors, specialists, professionals and years pass by. Grade 11 sucked but I did it, alone in my bedroom, learning when “stable”. Graduation, I did that too achieving Honor roll grades eight thru 12. My mom always says “thank goodness you are smart like me”, we laugh. Yes, I laugh again. I laugh a lot with my family. You either laugh or you cry, we do a lot of both. So, we stumble upon a hero, one of many that have passed through my life. This hero, a Neuralogist who specializes in neuro muscular illness and autonaumic disorders, says that he can’t cure me but he can help me. Six years later, here I am. I can get out of bed most days. I am GRATEFUL for so much and heavily rely on the kindness and generosity of strangers! 100’s of humans have donated their time, their blood, I get the albumin portion for my infusions. I am now designated with a permanent disability, even this has taken years and so much energy! My life journey has taken me places I never thought I could or would go. My “invisible” disability, with many still struggling to accept that I have “something” wrong with me, I never want sympathy or to dwell on illness but this is a tough gig but I press on. The sun is now shining a little brighter, peaking thru the blinds casting kaleidoscope like colour on the wall. Intriguing, this COLOUR reappearing in my life. I spend hours per week in hospital and at home attached to a pump thru my chest port. This has become my life as I now know it. I celebrate infusion milestones with vibrantly coloured cupcakes and sprinkles, sadly spending more time with my nurses than I do with my family. Celebratory RED cherry on the top, I completed my Bachelor of Education Degree with distinction. I am currently continuing my education journey with taking Inclusive Education. Yes, I want to work with students with varying needs! I want to help others. I yearn to help others. I am inspired to help others. This girl who couldn’t get out of bed. I fought like heck to get out of bed. I learned and grew while in bed. But I was not giving up. POTS. That’s it. Google it. Life changing, life sucking, POTS. It defines me, educates me and educates others. Will there be a "magic" pill someday, we don't know, but until then, this is my journey. I love me. I love life. My chronic, rainbow array of new COLOUR, crazy to some, life...as I know it.
By Holly Allison-Kay4 years ago in Motivation
Rejection
It can be with work, relationships, or just about anything in life. It is so hard because ultimately to be in a state available to receive rejection we're offering up ourselves or our work with vulnerability. This is hard because people can respond with disproportionate scrutiny.
By Noah Douglas4 years ago in Motivation
My Heart is a Compass
Follow your heart, they say, but sometimes she leads you to the landfill. A plastic bag can float past in the wind and you’ll hear her say, “this is good enough.” The heart may also choose a love that is secret, impossible, utterly ridiculous, or a lie, just to see what happens. Because of these things, I viewed my heart as a total liability. She clearly needed adult supervision and under no circumstances could be responsible for making major life decisions. Then grief came to town and changed everything I knew about my heart.
By Lindsey McNeill4 years ago in Motivation
I Can Only Imagine
There are some moments in life that are just ingrained in your memory. It could be the birth of a child, a wedding, a graduation, the first time you buy a car or a house, a specific concert, the first rollercoaster you've ever been on, or your first plane ride. Or, maybe it's a small, seemingly insignificant conversation you had with a perfect stranger that continually comes back to your mind. The list could go on and on with different kinds of situations, experiences, and events that have a long-lasting impact on you.
By Jim Gaven4 years ago in Motivation
Black Hair Dye, a Blank Canvas, and a Woman in Hiding . Top Story - December 2021.
When I first spotted a single gray hair on my head, I was 21 years old. Immediately, I rushed to the store to grab a box dye that would wipe away its existence after 30 minutes of setting. It was a quick fix, a way to wash away the signs that I was stressing myself out.
By K L4 years ago in Motivation
Self-Care
I am sure, like many of you, I have been put through the ringer this past year and a half. I struggled. I had my friends, my family, myself, and my students to worry about during every stage of the pandemic. My life was turned upside down, and coping with it felt impossible. I burned out so quickly within my job and my life. So I looked for therapy.
By Dani Ash4 years ago in Motivation
Spiritually Sensitive
Spirits are moving all the time in and around those that are spiritually sensitive, this was true for one little boy who would have paranormal experiences regularly to the point that he would swear his home was haunted. His experiences scared him so much so that he told his parents what was happening but as the norm they did not believe him, his mother would share various scriptures with him to read and left it at that. He did not want to keep expressing his fear for fear of having to visit a crazy home or psychiatrist and when he did share with his friends they just laughed it off in disbelief saying boy you stupid. Throughout this story there will be various accounts this young boy experienced that will send chills through your body.
By Odies Gee III4 years ago in Motivation
Somethings Coming
I never knew how strong I was until the accident happened. After seeing my little sister struck in the head by a 6 ft metal scaffolding pipe? Yea, that’ll do it. Seeing how our “father” reacted? That’ll really do it. The swirling and howling of the wind on that highway awoke every fear and regret in me. A tornado of helplessness as the world fell away into one moment. The black cattle settled against the yellow hills and all of the cars just shooting passed us. We were in a hell of our own. I remember that borrowed clip I got from beauty school, the one on the back of her head..the smell of blood mixed with coffee. I can see my mother, attempting to reassure me that I was helping.
By Senseofsoul4 years ago in Motivation
The Emergence of the Butterfly
Everything Changes. When you begin to realize who we are, what we are, why we are; everything shifts. It may start with a tiny whisper or it may start with a big bang. For me it was the latter. The implosion of my life as I knew it. From the dust of who I had been sprang a seed, which sprouted into something so incredibly beautiful that I sometimes still have to shield my eyes from it.
By Renee Ranke4 years ago in Motivation
