Starting Today

“New year, new me.” The same phrase, played like a broken record by the vast majority of people across the globe. I’ve always joined the chorus, outlining detailed plans as to how I’m going to change myself in the coming year, vocalizing the productivity of my endeavors. But somehow, by the end of January each year, I’m back to my usual routine, and shockingly enough, no different than who I was the previous year. Life is hectic, and it’s all too easy to get bogged down by the obstacles thrown towards you at every turn, falling back on the phrase, “I’ll start tomorrow.” But these words in and of themselves are flawed. Tomorrow is always a day away, it will never come.

I’ve always focused more on planning rather than doing, preferring to create lists rather than take action. At the end of every year, just before the start of the next one, I spend an entire day fabricating a comprehensive list of resolutions, listing how I am to accomplish each one, and setting a schedule for myself. A part of me enjoys making these schedules just to see how far I can deviate from them while still actually accomplishing everything I need to throughout the day-strange, I know. Let’s just say, my comprehensive list has never made it into February, which isn’t at all surprising considering what it usually entails. But this year, things are changing.

Instead of writing down intricate plans filled to the brim with unattainable resolutions, I left my paper blank. Completely, unequivocally blank. It’s time to take the planning out of everything and focus on what I’m passionate about. This change in mindset is, in part, due to my rapidly changing life. This fall I’m starting college. I’m moving out of the safety of my parents home and taking the first steps towards adulthood. While it’s a bit scary to think about, this ever approaching change is finally making me think about who I am in the present moment, not far off in the distant future. What am I passionate about? What do I value? What am I good at? What do I need to work on?

New year’s resolutions have always been a way for me to escape into the future, to disregard who I presently am in favor of imagining myself in a star studded, glamorous light. However, in order to reach my future aspirations, I need to focus on the present, I need to focus on my current foundations instead of molding myself a new persona, one that doesn’t represent who I am.

Too often I obsess over what I should change about myself rather than what I can build on, trying to turn myself into someone I’m not, and will never be. I don’t need, or want (anymore), to be a new person every year. I don’t have to be perfect in order to be successful and happy. This year, I’ve decided to focus my energy on what motivates me to get out of bed every morning, what motivates me to study numerous hours per day, to continue to strive for more. Writing. I’ve dreamt of becoming an author for as long as I can remember, but it’s difficult to find time to create stories and presentable pieces of writing with school and activities taking up so much time during the day.

Starting today, I’m chasing my passion, my dream. What is life if you don’t pursue what you love? I’m no longer going to waste time obsessing over my insecurities and flaws, telling myself to wait for tomorrow, holding myself back. Instead, I’m going to pursue my passion, starting with this prompt.