Social Survival as an Introvert

Introverts can be some of the most misunderstood people in our social circles. We are often misconstrued as shy, cold, antisocial however in reality, we are typically anything but these things. While we may be more apt to spend time with ourselves than out in social situations, there are ways we can enjoy the best of both worlds without creating too much anxiety and becoming worn down. Balance and personal time are the keys to making it work.

Socially, introverts may find it difficult to make and nurture friends and relationships. When alone time is the most comfortable mental space, a person can quickly become isolated. While a greater amount of "me-time" is required by an introvert to recharge than it is with an extrovert, it is also vital to at least have a few close friends who understand you. Finding this small tribe can mean stepping out of your comfort zone but in the end it is worth it to have a support system.

One important thing to remember is deep friendships, the ones you can really rely on, don't always have to be done in person! For an introvert, online friends can hold just as much value as face to face relationships. Those text and IM conversations bring much less stress than having to constantly put on the act that you're OK in that big crowded bar or restaurant when all you really want to do is hide in the bathroom or disappear out the nearest exit. Text friends can be just as involved in your life from wherever they are. Just remember to show as much interest in them as they do in you. Be open and honest about your social preferences and the right people will stay around. Those people are your tribe.

Now don't let the word "tribe" frighten you. This does not mean you have to surround yourself with large groups. If one on one friendships are more comfortable then by all means keep that tribe small. There is nothing wrong with prioritizing quality over quantity, even when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Remember, you are ultimately in control of keeping things within your own limits.

Breaking Out

If you do find you're ready to step out of your comfort zone because you are craving human contact, it may be easiest to begin meeting some people within your own interest groups. Maybe you enjoy things like reading or volunteering for local organizations. Book clubs and volunteer opportunities are great ways to connect with others who share your passions. And you can take it slow. There's no hard and fast rule that says you have to jump into awkward introductory conversations the first time you physically show up to an event.

Take time to take in the environment, the vibe, and the people there. The next time you go, it will be easier to connect with someone you recognize from your first visit. A simple, "Hi, I remember you from last week, how long have you been doing this?" can be an easy conversation starter once your heart stops racing. You will find some connections happen with people who may have different backgrounds or interests than you - this is a good thing. While it is easier to connect with people who are very much like you, this can lead to a limited view of the world. It is actually refreshing and can be quite fulfilling to engage someone with different points of view!

Only Do What You Can

While socializing with a friend or new people, even for a couple hours at a time, can be mentally and emotionally draining, it is an effort you can be proud of. Introverts know that being alone does not mean being lonely however there can come a point where the alone time turns into isolation. This is where balance comes in. While you have people who care about you, interacting with them may leave you feeling overstimulated and exhausted. That's ok - you're doing your best. Take as much time as you need for yourself to regroup and recharge. If you are honest with people about your social limits, they will generally understand and the time they get to spend with you will mean that much more. Quality over quantity! In the end, your self-care is your number one priority and no one can fault you for that.

Lastly, please remember that as an introvert, you have many strengths others will find value in. If you don't enjoy talking much, play up the fact that you are a good listener and that you are a safe place for someone to vent. You likely also harbor a fierce commitment to personal privacy and this will indicate to others that it is safe to confide in you because you will keep their conversations private. As an introvert, you are also likely a deeply sensitive person and this can translate into empathy and compassion toward those you allow into your circle. In the end, you are a valuable part of society and one of the best friends a person can have.