Seven Steps Further from 2020

We can all agree 2020 was one of the worst years in recent memory. Even the zen-like among us have struggled to maintain their positivity and motivation among the current state of things.

And, we can all agree we want a better, easier life in a better (one day covid-free) world, am I right? We are in an age where self-improvement, life hacks, doing less and getting more, or being an environmental warrior are what all the cool kids are doing. And as many of us are on yet another lockdown, now is the time to try and do something worthwhile for our self-care and make changes that could transform us.

It's an interesting time to be here; many of us are in lockdown, international travel seems a distant memory, and lockdown tummies and double chins are very much a thing. Yet, despite the madness, for those that want to, it's a prime time to try and improve your life.

You may be struggling, as I did, to know where to begin. Where should you start? What will bring the biggest changes with the least effort? This is where I hope my experiences might help.

I have struggled for many years to manage my chaotic life. What with a chaotic family, a demanding job in healthcare, trying to write a book, dealing with mental health struggles and a junk food addiction, social anxiety, focus problems and feeling like something would just 'happen' to change my life, it felt like I'd hit the jackpot when things started feeling like they were under some sort of control, and that I was finally owning life, and I was doing it all myself!!

Here are the 7 things I've found to be vital for getting to this point that I hope will help others on their own amazing crazy journey of life. These won't work for everyone and are definitely not all there is to it, however, they should give you a good starting point.

Happy life-changing everyone!

1. Understand That it Starts and Ends With You!

How many of us believe or have imagined that we are destined for better things? Yes, that's right, most of us at one time or other.

How many of us believe or have ever imagined that better things would just happen for us? Maybe a lottery win or an unexpected windfall? A published book after sending it to one publisher? Mental Health issues that would suddenly resolve with time? Or any other thing that involves zero effort. Yes, that's right, most of us.

It took me until I was thirty-three (I'm thirty-six now) to realise that things were not going to just magically happen or fall in my lap. I had an epiphany: There was no way my life was going to change if I didn't do something about it myself.

Nobody can make your life better, at least not permanently. It is so important you commit to you and make yourself a priority. You need to believe that the most important job in your life is managing yourself and then the best job you can!

You've got this.

2. Start a Journal to Organise Your Life

I've made lists since I could write. Lists of everything you could think of, things-to-do, things I've done, books I've read, places I want to travel, people I fancy (admittedly when I was 15, and come on haven't we all made that list?!). Anyway, you get the point, if there was a list to be made then a list probably existed.

To this day lists bring organised joy into my life. As I've grown, I've also tried other ways of organising my life: Filofaxes, electronic organisers (remember them?!), handwritten journals, various apps such as Evernote (my favourite).

My latest has been a bullet journal which I designed myself. It can be as simple or artistic as you'd like and it's very forgiving thanks to correction tape! You can have anything that suits your life. Mine has a quotes page, wellbeing page, reading list, watchlist, event/trip planner, year planner and weekly planner. See Pinterest for more ideas.

I can't stress enough how much writing things down helps me quiet the constant whirlwind in my mind. And as a bonus, drawing and writing things is really therapeutic. Maybe not as therapeutic as a Jason Momoa colouring book though!

3. Practice Mindfulness & Meditation

THIS! THIS! THIS! All-day long.

There is a Mariana Trench worth of evidence on how the practice of mindfulness and meditation makes people happier and more satisfied in life.

I try and meditate in the morning and in the evening or just one if I am short on time. Even 3 minutes helps. I use free apps like Insight Timer or Atom. You can pick guided meditations based on the subject or by the time you have free etc. I am the first to admit that I find it easy to get out of the habit very quickly and before I know it, it's been a month. But I tell you, I really feel the difference when I haven't done it. I'm quick to react when I might normally let things go and I feel, just, heavier.

Some good resources:

NHS choices

Headspace

I Am Here Now - Book from The Mindfulness Project

Colouring Books - There are a great range of adult colouring books on the net. Including the Jason Momoa one

4. Get Outside and Move More!

In the current state of the world, this isn't as easy as it used to be however we are still allowed out to exercise once a day! Whether you go in your garden and do some yoga or aerobics, or for a walk or run in the park, being around plants and trees feels so rejuvenating, especially when you live in the city.

When I'm not on lockdown, I love nothing more than finding new woodlands to explore, or driving to a beach within an hour or two from Bristol. My mum and dad live on a huge farm in the countryside so I try and go there as often as I can. If you have friends and relatives who live in the middle of nowhere, go and visit and enjoy the feeling of being disconnected from the hustle-bustle of your busy lives. Just take a moment, close your eyes and breathe in all of the nature around you. Bliss.

5. Learn to Forgive Quickly and Think the Best of People

Isaac Asimov once wrote:

"To me, it seems to be important to believe people to be good even if they tend to be bad, because your own joy and happiness in life is increased that way, and the pleasures of the belief outweigh the occasional disappointments. To be a cynic about people works just the other way around and makes you incapable about enjoying the good things."

I've never read something that resonated so much. The feeling of warmth was overwhelming when I realised I could choose to react differently. There need be no conflict if you don't want there to be. You are allowed to try and see the best in people and it doesn't make you weak. In fact, many believe the ability to look past people's imperfections and negative attitudes and still be kind and compassionate makes you stronger than many.

Another important thing to remember, never go to bed without resolving conflict. Even if it's just a quick kiss or a kind word. You're not admitting liability to whatever problems you have with that person by showing kindness, but come on, imagine they were gone in the morning. You'd regret not showing that affection or resolving the situation. Do it while you can. Don't take anything for granted. Trust me, I know this.

6. Don't Have Expectations of Anything or Anyone

I have lived a life of expecting certain behaviours from people or of circumstances and then spiralling into a real low point when these expectations aren't met. I used to hold grudges close to my heart when I felt I wronged or not heard.

Then I heard this somewhere: "Lose all expectations and you will be happier".

I can't remember where I heard it or who it came from, but embracing it has changed my life. I still have expectations of myself, however, I am in control of these more. I understand now that there is no joy to be had in trying to worry about things I am not in control of. I just do my best and hope for the best.

I'll admit, I am not quite perfect at it yet but dear me, does it make a huge difference to my state of mind to not expect things from someone or something so it can never disappoint me; anything more is a bonus. I get engulfed in a brief feeling of wisdom like some all-knowing being, by just be able to smile and think 'that doesn't matter, let's just agree to disagree and we can still be cool.' Warning - You may infuriate people with your zen-like calm!

And simply remember this: we are all unique. We all have unique perspectives and no matter how right you feel or how unreasonable you think someone is, if you care about them and they aren't hurting anyone, does it really matter that you won that one?

7. Don't Beat Yourself Up When You Don't Meet Your Own Expectations

Yes, it's great to have goals and expectations for yourself in life. If we don't hold ourselves to account, who will? But don't live and die by these.

If you are doing your best as much as you can but sometimes fall short, that's not a cue to think 'screw it!' and let yourself spiral.

Just try and do everything in moderation. Even being happy. If you're too happy all the time, you'll never know how to appreciate that happiness as it's just always there.

If everything is special, nothing is.

Remember, you are human. You WILL make mistakes. You WILL fall off sometimes. And, you WILL be okay. You'll get up again and again, dust yourself off, the world will keep turning and you will keep on marching.