RESOLUTION REVOLUTION

It all starts with that week between Christmas and New Year’s… We lose track of the days, our exercise goes out the window, and I can’t speak for everyone, but I certainly eat chocolate for breakfast most days that week.

We’ve got that party at our friend’s new place, and bought a great new outfit because why not?! Even if it does still fit you, that zipper feels like a strangulation device as it clings tighter than it did when you bought it in that mad pre-Christmas rush.

Suddenly, a dark cloud emerges over our heads, heavily raining dreary thoughts and knocking us into a drunken stupor of goal setting. These goals start tomorrow morning! “I can’t believe I let myself indulge on that chocolate, neglected to eat my greens or change out of my pyjamas. I’m eating salads, running at 5am every morning and going on a juice cleanse. That’s a great way to kick off the New Year!” -sternly deplores the little devil on your shoulder. The one who is disguised as an angel by providing ‘productive’ sentiments, but really is only bringing you down.

January 1st. Shock horror, you’re too hungover to go on that run this morning. You can’t be bothered going grocery shopping to buy things for a salad with that headache; or honestly doing anything that isn’t ridding yourself of the poor choices left in your hair or on your breath. “Tomorrow. I’ll start tomorrow.” But will you? Or will you just hate yourself for not starting today?

Now, I’m not saying that goals are all bad. I love a good goals list; I am just really pro not setting yourself up for failure.

I’ve discovered, through emotional damage, that taking it easy on myself is actually a really great method. The perfectionist in me loathed it. She fought it every step of the way as I implemented those kind words into my daily life. But little by little, the positive affirmations change your thinking.

Recovering from an eating disorder, plus watching my adult brother learn to walk again, brought me to be grateful for my healthy body. Some of my favourite positively inspiring quotes on repeat in my head include:

• Whether you think you can, or think you can’t- you’re right! Henry Ford

• God is my refuge and my strength. Psalms 46:1

• Be kind whenever possible. It is ALWAYS possible. Dalai Lama

• Let us love not with words but with actions. 1 John 3:18.

These words of wisdom have carried me through the dark times in which I found myself withered to a shell of my former self. She cried all the time, couldn’t face herself in the mirror and the overwhelming outlook was one bite far much too great to be chewed and swallowed all at once.

I began journaling. Gratitude was a good start. It morphed into writing my thoughts; some days they were scrawled in puddles of tears, others they were a prompt nonsensical message of “today was good”. When I reflect, I wish I had written much more. So I could know exactly what put that wee grin on my face and didn’t allow me the time to scatterbrain all over the page.

My wellness resolutions for this year actually don’t really exist. Whether you entitle it submission or acceptance, 2020 was a year to be remembered for the lack of control we have over what life deals us.

I do have goals, but they’re bigger than a resolution. I suppose I have resolved, as a LIFE GOAL, to optimise my happiness and strengthen my relationships. I’ve taken my biggest goals and broken them down into parts that are manageable and potentially achievable in itty bitty chunks, evading overwhelming myself. Thus, finding some overarching principles which can fit into all the aspects of my life are certainly the way to go. I study and work and am very conscious of maintaining my relationships. I don’t have a huge amount of friendships, rather a few which I truly treasure, nonetheless, they do require time. SO! Here are my overarching principles, in no particular order, which I have decided to brand “The Happiness Pact”.

1. Give yourself time. Be patient with yourself and your growth. Flower seeds push through dirt. They require sunshine and water and oxygen (outside resources) and TIME.

• Apply me. Give yourself a break when you’re working or studying. Take 10 minutes every hour. I know you’ve heard it time and time again. But honestly, it just gives you a breather. Get up, make a fresh cup of tea, and say hi to your dog. Probably just get away from that screen.

2. Be grateful. Saying thanks really doesn’t take much. You can do it within yourself, write it down, or say it out loud. I read recently that saying thank you in lieu of apologising as profusely as we do is a much better relationship builder. It is a positive interaction and removes blame but provides positive reinforcement to the relationship. Such as: “Sorry for being late”. “Thank you for waiting, I really appreciate it.

• Apply me. Each evening, when I’m in bed, I write out my thoughts, my bible verse and its application to my life. I finish by being grateful (for me, I thank God, but if that isn’t for you, just a list of gratitude works absolutely splendidly). Every night, my parents, partner, dog, best friends, grandparents, education, health and workplace make that list. Sometimes these are obviously frustrating me; we falter. BUT. When you focus on what makes you feel good on most days, it can help you resolve those feelings.

3. Love, and be loved. This isn’t necessarily romantic. I am only recently in my current relationship and spent the last five years single. Love is expressed in minimal words in English, but it covers many things. The love I have for my partner is different to that of my mum or job or enjoyment in learning; yet they all bring about some oxytocin in the feels. Being loved. Well, what a thing. Allow people into your life who do cherish you. People who give and take with your natural ebb and flow to do so as well.

• Apply me. This pertains to my small pool of friends. My best friends who know me sometimes better than myself. One has been around for over 18 years and I’ve known my partner little over a year. Those who are close to my heart care as deeply for me and I for them and I know I can call them no matter the hour. These are the relationships worth prioritising and I suggest weeding your garden and removing those who make you question yourself, your friendship or your worth (you know who they are). *this does not make them or you a bad person, just not a great mix-like a fish milkshake. I love tuna and I love chocolate milk, but I wouldn’t pop them in a blender together and drink it.

4. Prioritise your physical health. MY FAVOURITE. I almost feel like that it is a lie as I type it, because I honestly love all of these. But I think this takes the least amount of self-reflection, and that requires ample hard-work and abundant effort. This takes some grind too, but dare I say is more accepted socially and can be easier to stick to if you require support.

• Apply me. There are so many ways to gradually improve this for yourself. Add an extra vegetable at lunch, or dinner, or both! Aim for a glass of water each hour at your desk; pick whole foods such as fruits and plain Greek yoghurt for snacking; grab less processed meats for your sandwich filling. You can jump on the #meat-free-monday fad and create a lentil curry for tea. It ups your fibre levels, which I promise you’ll thank me for.

• Apply me. Activity wise; anything. I mean it-ANYTHING! Walk, ride a bike, run, box, swim, lift something heavy, yoga, hike with your buddies, dance with your dog… You can do it circuit style or timed to create a challenge for yourself. Vary it each day. I love circuit training and lifting heavy, but (not sponsored) I have just recently started using the Nike Run Club App on my phone and I looove it. Just get out of that chair, up off the couch and away from your screen for whatever time you can each day.

5. Forgive. Yourself, others, the world. Whoever you are mad at, upset with or tormenting over, let it go. My experience with forgiveness is the freedom; I could breathe again. I was happier and able to achieve things without the darkness hanging around. It is self-perpetuated punishment: the other person doesn’t feel what is inside your chest.

• Apply me. Write about it, talk to someone about it. If it is still a very physical emotion, you could run it out or box it out- DANCE IT OUT! Loosening yourself is miraculous. Often I find myself beating myself up over situations. Look, you can’t change the past. You cannot undo a mistake or a bad decision, take back what you’ve said or done. Newsflash-neither can they. Perhaps they’ve apologised, maybe they haven’t-some people never will. It is a bitter pill to swallow. But once you accept, forgive and focus on what is change-able, you’ll be much happier, and healthier, for it.

Whether your resolutions that are going well, you’ve filed them away for the beginning of 2022 already, or following 2020 couldn’t be bothered to make any, do some self-reflection and investment to better those chances of a happy self for right now. For 2021 and the years to come.