Religious Sexual Shame...We'll Talk About It

This post is not about me being ashamed of my faith, but how my faith contributed to my sexual awareness and my comfort (or lack thereof) with sex. Just for context, I grew up Southern Baptist and then converted to Church of Christ which is more non-denominational and it consists solely of teaching from the Bible. Anyways. It’s not anyone’s business per se, but I have an incredibly low-body count—I’m not saying that to be a “pick-me” or cater to a man’s idea of how a woman should be, I’m just being vulnerable so I can discuss why. I could’ve been the 4th member of the Jonas Brothers, lol. I had a purity ring and everything. So when I chose to not continue that journey, I was like in my early 20’s (I’m only 25 now). So doing this was really heavy for me and I suffered a lot of shame from it. I thought God was mad at me and I kind of went into a deep depression. I tried to justify it to myself because I thought this was the man I was going to marry (that didn’t help). Fast-forward, very single lol. I only say all this background stuff because I am very body positive and love people who celebrate their bodies how they see fit, by wearing what they’d like and doing what they’d like–I’m very open about that. So I think some people are confused when I’m not as sexually liberated. I just don’t flow as freely as some of my peers do because any time I’ve stepped into that realm with someone that isn’t my “forever”–it’s triggered so much shame in me and kind of ruined the experience. I think that shame has derived from my faith and the way I was taught to conduct myself from religious teachings.

I don’t regret anything I’ve done, but I do wish I had someone that wrote the blog I’m writing now as honest and raw about this subject because then I probably wouldn’t have felt as embarrassed and shameful as an adult.

This blog post is mostly for the youngins or people that have chosen to wait and are considering otherwise. There is no shame in waiting for marriage. There is no shame in not waiting for marriage. If you believe in God, he’s not going to hold this against you. However, I do believe—regardless of your faith or non-faith— that you should wait until you’re an adult. I watched so many of my friends explore this area of life as children. We were teens. A teen is a child, I can’t sugarcoat that. There is an emotional and hormonal toll that having sex brings and I just don’t think that’s something children should be exploring because it’s scary. If someone so young is dealing with emotions to an extreme constantly because of their natural hormones—they shouldn’t participate in something that can alter them even more while they’re developing.

You’re not missing out on anything, I promise. It’ll all work the same when you’re an adult. I understand my blog won’t make every teenager stop having sex or whatever. That’s not my goal. My goal for this is basically telling people to protect themselves–with physical protection and intangible protection methods, but to also forgive yourself when those don’t work. I know it’s easier said than done, but shake off the shame. I think I let myself down with the standards I set for myself and I tried to project that as God being disappointed in me, but it was all me—he forgave me as soon as I asked. Before actually. Growing up in the church and having a relationship with God makes you feel guilty for a lot of things that you do, (especially for the people pleasers lol). You’re not alone and this is something we’ll explore again with the other various areas it affects. If you’re struggling with it and need someone to talk to, reach out to me… we’ll talk about it.

P.S. If parents wouldn’t act like sex was taboo to talk about, I believe more teens would be willing to not think about it as something they HAVE to try so early on because curiosity kills the cat. So when people aren’t being given the answers they need, they’re going to go figure everything out on their own.

Happy Tuesday!