Reflection

Dear Self,

As I've watched you in the mirror all of these years I am awed by you. Your strength and resilience. Somehow, amongst the concrete and weeds you have managed to blossom from a seed into the most exquisite being. I know your mother was so young when she brought you into this world. Your father just as naïve as to what becoming a father might mean. They were too busy looking in their own mirrors to concern themselves much with your upbringing. And so, you were raised with wolves. A house but not a home filled with wayward souls disguised as family. And although there was little direction and they tried their hardest to taint you. You my dear, managed to puzzle piece all of their positive traits and become one whole self. How? Even you are unsure. Yet, you managed to pull it off. How did you clamor over all of the obstacles of their shadows and not get lost in your own? One small seed sitting on the precipice. Of course, as you continued to grow you couldn't help but have thorns. What flower wouldn't after braving such tenuous conditions? But you viewed them through rose colored lenses. You wore those scars like a resume of life. Experiences that glued themselves to your soul. You used them as ammunition to build a better one. And look at you! Still conquering those demons. Sure, you got lost along the way. Doesn't everyone? Stuck in the generational curse of an abusive relationship. But I guess he didn't count on the lion you had laying dormant within you. Just waiting for the fire to ignite. All you needed was a match. Aren't you lucky to have found one. Was it luck? One can never really know. But you don't fret too much on the how, only the why that matters. Reflection is how you manage to win each time. Remembering the moves you made to escape and tucking them away for future reference. Should you ever need to fight another battle. One thing is for certain, the only positive outcome from that relationship is the two beautiful beings you made together. Your children are the reason to keep living. They have no idea how they saved you. When you felt like there was no point in continuing on. What is the purpose of living if even your own mother doesn't find worth in your existence? Wouldn't it be easier for everyone if you just disappeared? How strong you are to overcome depression and anxiety to tend to them each day. After all, who taught you to do anything in the first place? Let alone how to be a Mother. But you never give up. Never surrender, not even once. How else will they learn there is no such thing as defeat except for the defeat within ones mind. I admire your determination. Every day you wake up, grab a paintbrush and do your best to paint a picture of a beautiful life. So what if it doesn't turn out quite right. Tomorrow you will paint another one. Because you know the power within your hands. You continue to amaze me, the way you work so hard to be a better you. Shedding old skin and returning anew. The way you nurture and guide them. It takes a lot to admit when you're doing it wrong and figure out how to make it right again. I am proud of the woman you have been, the one that you are, and the one you are yet to become. Stay strong.



I love you,

Your higher self