Red Flags That the Self-Help You’re Consuming Is Bullsh*t

If I could be bothered to research and then draw up a pie chart of what made up web content, the largest piece of the pie would be porn. Of course it would.

But I’d hazard a guess that not far behind porn would be self-help and all the guises it comes in.

As humans, we’re obsessed with sex. It’s basically why we exist. Hence all the porn. But after that, we want quick fixes. Hence all the self-help.

And there's no quicker fix than turning to the internet to google anything and everything; for advice, for life hacks; for answers and solutions we can’t be bothered to think about ourselves.

Humans love quick fixes. It’s partly why most shit exists, to cut corners, to save labour, and to make our lives easier: Cars, the plough, winches, hammers, climbing shoes, life coaches, the plough, pencil sharpeners, the JML catalogue, shopping channels, ab machines, microwaves, the plough and even the plough.

As well as labour-saving devices, we also crave shortcuts to money, fitness, business, confidence and power (always to ultimately get more sex by the way, but that’s another story).

So the long and the short of it is we get the web we deserve. Porn, self-help and Amazon fucking Prime.

The internet is just a mirror of our own greed and lust.

Look what you’ve gone and done to the Internet. This is why we can’t have nice things.

So let’s cut to it, I got sidetracked talking about sex and ploughs. This isn’t about that, it’s about the crummy side of internet self-help (of which Medium certainly plays its part), how to spot it and why to avoid it.

Ready? Then these are the hallmarks of bullshit self-help:

1. Listicles

Number one in my list is listicles. I can’t stand listicles, those articles that have titles like “8 Daily Ways to Improve Everyday” or “20 Life Hacks to Hack your Life”.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve written well-meaning posts like that myself, but they never felt particularly useful. They play to the worst aspects of our short attention spans, they highlight the need to write clickbait headlines and most of all it undermines written content as no-one reads further than the bullet point title.

Hang on, is anyone reading this? Did you just look at the headline now you’re onto number 2? Oh, now you’re looking at something else entirely. And now you’re on YouTube. And now you’re back on PornHub. Well, thanks for popping by. You disgust me.

2. Quick Fixes

This is a call back to the beginning of this article when I kept mentioning ploughs. I hope you read it and didn’t just skip to the bullet points. I was saying that everyone is after a quick fix which is often how self-help is packaged up and sold; as a quick fix, a hack, a cheat code.

But growing in character, gaining wisdom and finding inner peace doesn’t come from a single book, video or weekend conference. Getting your mind in shape is exactly the same approach as getting your body in shape, it takes time, commitment and consistency.

If determined, consistent effort isn’t emphasised in the self-help you’re consuming, the chances are it’s bullshit.

You can’t go to the gym once and expect to be physically healthy just as you can’t expect to read one book and it will change your life.

Improvement of any kind is a ritual, a system, a set of habits. So ignore the next snake oil salesman who says otherwise. You don’t want snake oil anyway. I mean what do you do with it? Oil a snake? No thanks.

3. People Selling You Sh*t

There’s nothing wrong with people making money from helping others. Therapists, for example, are a great resource for aiding good mental health, and they can often be extortionate. I’d also suggest they are well worth it.

However, so much self-help seems to be a vehicle to push people down a sales funnel by ruthless web-entrepreneurs who are probably 24 years old, working from laptops in Spain, and using personal development as a hook to catch you and eat you for dinner.

Metaphorically that is. I’m not saying they’re literal cannibals, using a free PDF and mailing list to ultimately roast you over a spit.

Just be wary of how much products are courses are pushed on to you. There are countless sources of self-help, none of which are equal.

Choose wisely, else end up like that guy at the end of Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade who thought Jesus’ cup was covered in jewels. What an idiot. Everyone knows a humble carpenter’s cup is going to be crappy.

4. People Shouting the Destination at You

This is a big one. It happens a lot. Especially on Instagram. For example, take a look at this photo below.

This isn’t self-help, it’s a trendy poster. Genuine self-help won’t tell you to be a state of mind, it will explain how to get to that state of mind. To steal a Simpsons joke, this poster may as well say “Get Confident, Stupid” and be done with it.

Everyone knows they want to be happy, be healthy and have their shit together, so explaining this as a form advice is nonsense. Whole books can be spun out on the premise of telling someone the destination.

5. Negative Motivation

I don’t want to mention any names, but Grant Cardone’s main form of motivation is pointing out what you and I lack.

All respect to Cardone and his private jet, beautiful wife, great hairline and millions in the bank, but every piece of advice he dispenses is measured with a metric of money, a cold hard bottom line of cash, and a reminder of how empty your bank account might be.

Tai Lopez is the same. Lopez loves to show off his Lamborghini and mansion and his advice comes with a side dish of “look what I’ve got that you want.” Even if what he’s got is allegedly an Air B'n'B and some hired fitness models. Allegedly.

A Final Caveat

Self-help is exactly that, helping yourself. Courses, seminars, books are all self-help. You’re the main component so what you get out is largely what you put in.

Coming to the table with the fixed idea that something is a con, or equally that it is a panacea for all your woes, will mean it won’t deliver.

Self-help only works when you do.

And if listicles, negative motivation or any other point I’ve raised is how you best grow, then who am I to question it?

Do what works for you.

But, I’ve been wading into these murky waters for well over 5 years now. I’ve had coaching. I’ve attended seminars. I’ve read the books. And there’s so much value to be had, but you have to be discerning with your time.

If it’s too good to be true, it’s probably too good to be true. If a course says it’s worth £5900 but you can buy it today for £47, it was never worth what they said in the first place.

Don’t be an income stream for someone else’s multiple online investment punts, you're worth more than that. And so am I.

Saving yourself doesn’t mean simply proceeding with wild abandon. Make sure you sort the wheat from the chaff.

I mean, do you really want to nourish yourself on chaff bread anyway? Even if it is a metaphor? Me neither.