Rebellion from Want
discussing: spirit of rebellion, something for nothing, sensory deprivation, playing it safe, this cold war
I am with the spirit of Rebellion
Like princess Diana running in her sons mother day race. its against the technical rules but its the big mood we all need.
Fuck the royal rules
This quarantine is such a great excuse for a lot of lazy bugs. i cant believe this is all it takes to silence and sedate people. tell them to stay home. tell them to stay still. tell them how to live. in all my dreams i never realized i was the only one standing up in face to spit at the oppressive powers.
I was the only one who would stand up in a class room when injustice is being taught and walk out throwing the book down? Saying "I am not your slave"
I don't dice words . but also i withhold a lot of myself in the mean time. I endure, I am tolerant I'm patient. and yet you know where that seems to bring me.
Desperate. alarming. wanting for something I am often told I don't need or nobody gets for nothing.
Its up to me?
I honestly don't think i can do it alone.
Weather its a pack of cigarettes or a bag of weed or something we really need like a cold drink or a warm meal or a touch or to be understood. these all contribute to the holistic wellness system that a person should have.
At my level of poverty. where i have enough figured out enough to generate the income support to pay for my rent. but not enough organized to keep me flush with commodities and resources like food and drugs and supplies or even digital resources.
i have needs! i have common requirements for my body to be well! i cant live without them and i cant get them with the system i am in.
look , im sorry i have problems i cant solve by myself.
The people i turn to are not the wrong people. what they have to say is often more upsetting and cruel than i can bare to tolerate further than i have before i even came to them with the issues. but that is because it is not a one to one issue.
It is a greater issue of social accountability to the weak and sick and in need. There is none, and what little there is- It is very slow.
Look its going to get dark with me. I can keep writing and i will sort this out. im not 100% committed to this narrative yet. I really want to take the time to organize my feelings and thoughts with authenticity and accountability for myself and to the situation I have been through.
There are times I cant believe what I am facing. if this is a common state. this way being: the need and want and physical and emotional withdraw. in other words. sensory deprivation. it seems like an oppressive force causing it! who are we to submit so docile? are you comfortable? is anyone?
maybe its a chemical imbalance.
"I would be fine if" is the worst curse you can lay on your self in the moment.
If there is something i have to do for my wellness and comfort. where does that put me in the mean time . How about right now. To endure? Have strength? Is that not a bit extreme? It is sensational and there is a physical hurt from the crawling of nerves from the deprivation of the nutrients and care.
I would be fine if i got it. I would be fine if i did the thing. I would be fine if i were with her. I would be OK IF I only.
That's my mental health condition. when I go to those whom might have what I feel I need; I get very Very uniform responses. I can sense the uniformity by a personal yet obscure sense of justice and fairness. but really I can measure it with the comfort. I want to feel consistency with people. but there is this wall everybody is so far away..
Playing it safe for some is a privilege and a luxury.;it costs time and with it go the lives of many . Why are we not willing to fight for what is right in an upright way now. why do we insist to wait and see - letting people flounder.
Goes to show what we think we need vs what will accept .
Iv never met anyone who resisted the system more than me. But i use to read and watch stories and movies about the resistance. Those who fight against whats not right. Who live in opposition to the oppression. the dreamers and the lovers and the fighters. I cant believe how little pressure it takes for us to bow in this world. Its a regime change and we are just waiting it out !!!
Is it a cold war?
- Dante Final
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