Real Confidence Isn’t Loud—Here’s the Best Way To Measure It

Measuring self-confidence isn’t as straightforward as stepping on a scale or checking your heart rate. It’s not something you can quantify with numbers, and that’s what makes it so elusive. Without clear metrics, it becomes difficult to know where you stand, how much you’ve grown, or what steps you need to take next.

But through personal experience and countless observations, I’ve discovered that self-awareness is the key. It’s the mirror that reflects your true level of confidence—not in comparison to others, but in how deeply you know, trust, and show up as yourself.

This, I believe, is the most authentic way to measure self-confidence.

1. Are you doing what you believe in? 100%?

“If you don’t know where you are, you won’t know where you’re going.”

– Anonymous

It takes self-confidence to do the things you believe in. I struggled with doing the things I believed in for a long time. I spent my time doing things I didn’t believe in at all, and pursuing a lifestyle I didn’t believe in.

Not to mention doing the things others wanted or expected me to do, instead of being 100% true to myself. I was a slave to society's expectations. I wasn’t as confident back then as I am now. And that’s the point I’m making here.

Your level of self-confidence can be measured based on how often, and whether or not you’re doing the things YOU believe in 100% of the time.

If you’re working a job because society told you to, and you don’t believe in the organization you’re representing, chances are it’ll show up in your self-confidence.

If you’re going to college or university because you were pressured into doing that by your elders, and you don’t believe in the subject you’re studying, it’ll also show up in your self-confidence.

If you’re doing the things others believe in, but you yourself don’t believe in it, then your self-confidence will suffer if it hasn’t already.

Asking this simple question is one of the best ways to measure your self-confidence. And the good news is, doing more of what you believe in will change how high your self-confidence ranks on a scale of 1-10.

2. How do you respond to/deal with criticism?

“The larger the bricks your enemies throw at you the larger the palace you are going to build.”

– Matshona Dhliwayo

What you think about other people’s opinions of you, says a lot about how you feel towards yourself. On a scale of 1-10, I was probably a 4 or 5. I never handled criticism well, would get upset by it, or allow it to stand in the way of the things I wanted to do.

And even worse, I let it stand in the way of logic. It got to the point where in some cases, I’d refer to the people who were criticizing me as haters. Caring too much about the opinions of others is the quickest way to punish your confidence and self-esteem.

Sometimes, a single beautiful quote of the day can gently remind us that the way we process criticism reveals far more about our self-perception than it ever does about the opinions of others.

How do you deal with criticism? How do you respond to it? Get honest and ask yourself how you measure up on a scale of 1-10. Then, and only then, will you be able to make the changes, and be self-aware enough to know what NEEDS to be done to make the changes.

3. How do you deal with fear/challenges?

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

– Dale Carnegie

How you respond to fear reflects your level of self-confidence. Before 3 years ago, I used to be too afraid to start my own business. I’d do a little here and there on the side, but It was never official and I never went all the way in 100%. I never made the big scary jump.

These days that’s not a problem for me, and that’s why my self-confidence has risen much higher up the scale. I face my fears head on, and understand that fear is an indication of something I don’t know enough, or need to do to get out of my comfort zone and grow.

How you deal with all the fears you have, especially fears related to the things you know in your heart you want to do, is a direct reflection of how much self-confidence you have. And how courageous you’re willing to be.

Get honest and look at how high your self-confidence is in one area or another, on a scale of 1-10, and you’ll realize why it’s not as high as you’d like it to be.