Ramblings of My Soul

My life has gone from good to bad, back to good, to great, to desolate, to awesome, to mundane. You name it, I have experienced it. I have been through hell and back a thousand times and then some. I’ve had my heart-broken into a million pieces. I have endured. I have been broken. I have known hardships. I have lost myself many times. But here I stand, still moving forward, growing stronger each and every day. I will never forget the lessons in my life.

You will never understand the amount of pain that can stay hidden down in the corners of a lonely damaged soul, unless it is inside you. I destroy the things I fear. I am afraid of love, afraid because it leaves me vulnerable. Exposed and open. Afraid that it will destroy me. So, I deny love and sabotage any and all signs of regard a person may have for me. People don’t understand. I am kind-hearted, not stupid. Do not think I won’t disrespect their whole life with a wicked grin on my face. And the fact that it bothers me; bothers me also. I confess, I loved more than I had let on. (soul mate) But he wasn’t ready for it. For me. But I still poured myself into hands that couldn’t hold me. I finally was able to look back and know exactly why it all had to happen the way it did.

I am only hard to understand to those who sound like everyone else. And I’ll always feel cold too those who do not warm my heart and my soul. I’m not bitter, my words just aren’t sugar-coated. I am a rainbow made from hurricanes. The most valuable things need not always shine. When I glance at myself in the mirror, trust that it’s not in vain. It’s to make sure my smile still points to the stars. Believe me, the only points I’m proving are to myself. I guess what I am trying to say, is that I know all that glitters isn’t gold. And everything that doesn’t, isn’t dull. But bet this, I am worth it and he was the fool for not seeing that. I am a broken soul. An open book with many torn out pages and I walk through fire while I thirst for truth, for what I have never tasted. I make broken look beautiful and strong look invincible. I walk with the universe on my shoulders, making it look like a pair of wings.

The thing is, life has taught me that you can’t control someone’s loyalty to you. No matter how good you are to them, it doesn’t mean that they will treat you the same. No matter how much they mean to you, does not mean that they will value you the same. Sometimes the people you love the most, turn out to be the people you trust the least. Stay guarded but not so much, that you sell yourself short of experiencing something so real, it will rock you to the core. That, my friends, is living!!