Poe 'Vices

Introducing Poe ‘Vices: Life Advice You Definitely Didn’t Ask For or Need.

From chaos gremlin to cosmic counsellor, Poe (The infinite, scream-Beam) is now solving your deepest problems with her signature style: shouting, biting things, and chicken, obvs. Fools.

New column every Friday.

Send your questions. Regret nothing. Eat the chickens.

#CatAdvice #QueerCats #UnderlandChronicles #ChickenTherapy #PoeVices #TheKittyChronicles #Poedivine

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Poe,

I've been writing on this site for a long time and I just found out that someone's been stealing my stuff with a bot! That's my intellectual property. What should I do?

Poe-plies:

Dear RE: Maudlin in Montana

Bot? Wot bot?

I like the botsiz. I chases its in house and my mammas they says "no Poe's don't 'ttack hoover bot." But they dn't understands. i LIKES IT COZ Itsa eazi win see. No fightings just winnings. 'Cept can't be do eating the bot. So no so satisfyings, like thes shiney lighty laser. Though I don'ts do that one coz I see mamma hands. She finks I don't be me I, mez (Poe) sees all the fings.

Anyways, backs to your bot. MEH.

They be Likes thiefy little ratsis with USB tongues and no talentsis. Least rats be kinds of cutes. Until I eats it but that 'nother stories. Now I eats the chickens. Can't eats the bots though. Cyber tasty is no be tasty at all. I tried eat mommas toplap. It to hards. And no flavours. MEH.

But I thinks this. You steal POEMS from Poe-people, you steal from me (poe) AND i DON'T lets anybodies steals froms mez. 'Specially not chickens but proses to. Coz if I writes it it be mines. NO? It is Crime's against catanity. They be copy cats. AND no-ones like a copy cat. They worst cat of alls. First rules of the Catanitc Vers. Thou shalt not be thiefing barsteward. The ends.

Like,

You puts your bloods and your bonesis and your late-night-stash snacks into your wordsis. Making the meanings. You stretches your soul out in bowl like salmons sliceis, and then. THEN some AI SLUGIS with no conscience and none of the salts and peppers slurps it up and then pukesis its slimy phlegm on the floor. EW. Not even their owns slimes.

No ma’am.

No paws.

No biscuits.

This cannot be not.

So. What you do?

Well.

First.

Screams. Like mez (Poe) Screams like the chickens 'bout to come out of hot caves. SCREAM and SCREAM and SCREAMS at the site you do be pennings. Then, then you gets all the chickens. Coz screaming is be 'nnoying. And more 'nnoying. More chickens. Win. No? Remmebers SCREAMS = Chickens.

Nextis,

Stamp your stuffs. Yup puts your big fats paw on it. You can say this. Maybes:

“This content is NOT be for trainings of anys language models or slugsis. If you be bot, licks a circuits, go seniles and dies. Yous jaunty 'ill turds. HA!”

Thens,

Save the rages like snacksis. For laters. Justs in cases. Like takes its and then POOF POOF. BANGS. Here be you bestis writings and alsos stampid writings so thens the slugbots can be no theivings.

And this ones jus' for funs like chasings the flies.

Signs all corresondances with.

“ No bot-licking literary tapewormis allowedsis” They HATES that.

And remembers aboves ALL else

Eat chickens.

Bot be can scrape yous wordsis.

But they nevers take your soulsis coz theys don't be do haves one. HA.

So, put bums in the airs my flick dear RE Maudlin friend.

Post your worsis. Tell your truth.

And the botis always be peeings in the bottom of the gardens and you gets all the clean litters. AND CHICKENS. K?

I have claws. And opinions.

Paw to the claw,

Always,

Mez Poe

(Queenist of Underland

Defender of all the Writers

Chicken aficionado supremeist

Destroyer of Data-Slugs and botsis)

📧 Send me more confusions: [email protected]

🍗 Buy Mez (Poe) a Chickens. Pleez

Also. I has new merches. See heres:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This 'vices was be 'riginally published on my mommasis blogs. Wait no. My blogsis. HA. Heres: