Poe 'Vices 4

Introducing Poe ‘Vices: Life Advice You Definitely Didn’t Ask For or need.

From chaos gremlin to cosmic counsellor, Poe (The infinite, scream-Beam) is now solving your deepest problems with her signature style: shouting, biting things, and chicken, obvs. Fools.

New column every Friday.

Send your questions. Regret nothing. Eat the chickens.

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RE: Devastated in Denver

Message:

My brother just told me he's gay. I feel betrayed and devastated. This will running our relationship. I am his older sister and I just can't believe he never told me. It goes against all our morals and values as a family and now I don't know what to do.

Poe-plies:

Dear RE: Devastated in Denver

And you writes me whys 'sactly?

Your brother is be gay?

Okay.

AND whats?

You wants fuckety fucks with brother?

That be weirds. But no judgements heres. Yous do yous.

This problem is no problems coz really not your problems 'less you want the fuckedy jiggery then that BIG probem coz that be is illegals. Polices don'ts like this one.

But Ok. I tries....

Like reallys what you wants me to dos... Like I should Organize candlelitted vigil with chickens or somethings? Patch his DNAS? oR MAYBE YOU WANTS ME TO SHIT a RAINBOW IN SOLIDARITIES?

Wait? What?

Yous haves moralsiz..

And valuesis about who be diggity diggy whos?

Woah 🤯🙀

Who you thinks you all is? The universes?

Seems me this problem is a funny problem coz it nots yous probwem.

Like

You is not the main character in your browfer’s fuckety.

He is not be tragic plot twisty in yous play of lifes works.

He justs Gay. S'all. Nothing muchs.

'Cept probabys he likes better musics than you - I mean. Now that's a problem wez can be talk abouts. Music. I likes music. Goods for chicken's toos. Snacks and sounds. Ohhh maybes I trademarks dis? Chicka sings? wHAT YOU FINKS?

Anyways.

Backs to the gays.

He still yous brother. He just don't wants to sleeps with you. So it simples. No fuckety fuck with brother. The end. Now all clear. You brothers and sister and he same brothers, no? Same, same? Just gays.

So what should you do? Easy.

Shut the fucks Up.

Love hime (No fuckety him) Just loves. And chickens. Obv'sly.

The ends.

Oh Also, my mumy's be gays. Ha. They likes music too. And I PREETY sures my brothers Mogs is pretty gays but hes still in the closets. Like all the times he in theres . He says be napping. But I think, 'tween you and me, he be gaying. But I don't cares and neither should yous. i LOVES HIM JUST LIKE HE IS, EVEN WHEN HES BE A TWAT AND TAKES MY PLACES in sunlights spot. But dat ok - nothing with his fuckety. Just sunshines.

Not yours tinky winky. Not your biziness.

Sincerely,

The Queen of Underland (Who is not gay or maybe little bit or a lot but that be none of yours matters, only mines, me (Poe) )

📧 Send me more confusions: [email protected]

ALso PPS: 🍗 Buy Poes (mez) a Chickens. Pleez

Mah Catdentials

HI, HIS I’Z POES. I SCREAMS. I BITES. 'ICKLE BIT. ONLY 'ICKLE BIT BITES. I LOVE CHICKEN. I HATE NOT-CHICKENS. I RUNS FAST. I THINKS LOUD. I LICK PLASTIC FOR TRUTH. GIVE ME FRIDGES. LOVE ME. WAIT—NO. WAIT. YES. LOVE CHICKENS. – Poe x

And I has new products...Ranges do be exapandings coz I don't knows peoples bez more annoyings...More 'nnoying. More fings to makes.

Buy it here (Maybes)