Phoenix Center

Monday November 2, 2021

The package has sat unopened on the table by the front door since Thursday. Just walking by the package caused anxiety. All I wanted to do was throw the whole damn thing unopened down the garbage shoot. But I am not brave enough to throw it out or look at it. So, there it sits.

Thursday November 9, 2021

The package has now sat for a full week. I stare at it realizing that it really can’t hurt me. He is dead. Robert and Clare have died in a car accident. I remember my mother was angry that I had refused to fly with her to the funeral. She has no idea. I force myself to open the package. With trepidation I undo the tape and peer inside. Inside was a letter from a law firm, a check for $20,000 and a sealed envelope addressed “To my darling Sarah”.

Tears rolled down my face. Robert, who I hadn’t seen or talked to in over 25 years was dead. I felt so conflicted. I felt sorrow, sadness, hate and love. Robert and his wife Clare had been tight friends of my parents. They had no children of their own and had become a major part of our family. I had been enamored with Robert. He was so kind and fun and seemed to really love me. He made me feel so very special and so when he wanted to have a special relationship with me I was so happy. He was so gentle but it was still painful. I didn’t care. I was 9 years old and had a very special secret. It was very exciting.

Robert and Clare had moved away after that summer. As I got older, I began to realize that what we had, our special love, was neither special nor love. My exciting secret of my childhood became a secret shame. No one could ever know.

I looked down at the sealed envelope and tore it open. Inside was a handwritten letter addressed to me and a black moleskin notebook.

Dearest Sarah,

I want to let you know that I now realize what I did to you was unconscionable. I need you to know that I always loved you although I am sure that you will have a hard time believing that. I know that money can never make up for what I have done but that is all that I have to give you. I pray that you can forgive me. I don’t need or deserve your forgiveness but I do believe that until you can forgive me you will harbor pain and anguish in your soul. All I want for you is for you to be happy. My Dearest Sarah, I am a weak and broken man. I am embarrassed to say that I have hurt others in addition to you. I never loved any of them like I loved you but I cared for them all. I know that I have no right to ask this of you but inside the black moleskin book is a list of all the young girls that I have hurt. There is also access information to my bitcoin account. It is sizable and I would be grateful if you could connect with all the women on the list, extend my deepest apologies and regret and allocate the bitcoin how you see fit.

With Deepest regards

Robert

Never, never, had I expected anything like this. I dropped the letter and flipped through the black moleskin book. So many names. So many girls

Saturday November 11, 2020

To Do List

Access the bitcoin account and determine contents

Hire a private detective to locate the 25 women.

Cash the $ 20,000 check

Not knowing much about bitcoin I sat down at my computer and after a few attempts managed to ascertain that there was over 5 million dollars in the account. Holy Moly. Clearly Robert had invested before the huge jump in value. Quick math would suggest that each woman could get around $ 200,000 each if equally divided. What a conundrum. Do I just give everyone the same amount? Do I give some more than others? What criteria do I use to determine who deserves what? Why did he send a personal check to me for $ 20,000? So many questions, so few answers.

Thursday November 23, 2020

I have in my possession a list of names, addresses, and contact information for most of the women on the list. Sadly 2 have died. Suicides, both of them. I have no idea just how I should approach this task.

Saturday November 25, 2020

I wake up and start calling the names on the list. How do you call a stranger out of the blue and tell them that they are being remembered by the man who stole their childhood. Damn him, how dare he expect me to do this. It is too much. I feel too fragile. Fragile or not, I have to do this. I have to help these women. I decided to initially give everyone $20,000 and then decide how to distribute the remaining 4.7 million dollars after talking to all the women. Nothing could have prepared me for the reactions of the women. All so very different, all so very raw. We laughed together, we cried together, we raged together. My secret was a secret no more. It was so hard but so liberating.

Monday February 22, 2021

Everything was perfect. I walked into the reception area and regarded the colorfully decorated welcoming area. I walked towards a group of women, all dressed to the nines. I was greeted with a round of applause from the women. Every one of Roberts’ surviving victims was there and the air was charged with electrifying excitement. It was the grand opening of the new Phoenix Rising Center for Sexual Assault. Rose walked towards me holding a bouquet of flowers.

“Sarah, we just want you to know how much it means to all of us that you have reached out to all of us and helped make us whole again. We are determined not to be VICTIMS. We are choosing not to be defined by what happened to us but use that pain to help bring awareness to sexual predators and help prevent these horrors as well as help victims. Thank you Sarah for working so hard to create this wonderful center. We all feel so joyful and proud to be part of something so wonderful.”

“Thank you so much” I stammered with tears welling up in my eyes. “ Thank you for all agreeing to create this oasis. If you all were not such kind, generous, caring people we would never have been able to create something so needed. This brand new center with counsellors, support groups, a legal department, education and support as well as a shelter for those in need is something that will help so many people. Thank you for helping create this. “

The Phoenix Center was an immediate sensation. The local newspaper did a feature story on the center and there was immense interest. We had all decided that we would no longer hide what happened to us. Interestingly, this had a profound effect on all of us. Our relationships were better, our careers blossomed and our self esteem uplifted. We were a sisterhood. One for all and all for one. No one left behind. We were women with purpose.