Perfectly Imperfect

What are these pesky emotions good for anyway?

Emotions help us in so many ways. They help us enjoy life, they help us process trauma, they allow us to discover our boundaries and, in the process, understand ourselves on a deeper level. Allowing ourselves to feel both pleasant and uncomfortable emotions give us the full spectrum of the human experience.

Holding space, I have heard this phrase from a lot of books, people and articles. I spent a little while meditating on exactly what holding space meant not as a term but as an action.

What does holding space look like?

How do I show that I am doing it?

How do I know when someone is doing it for me?

Conceptually holding space is simple. It means to allow myself or others an area in which to feel. To process emotions in any way they can (within reason) without judgement. It is a way to get out of the "fix it" mentality that can be destructive to emotional processing. "Can be" does not mean "always" Sometimes a good brainstorm is exactly what we need.

What is its practical application?

First, emotions are not facts this does not make them any less valid. Feelings are true and real. Knowing they are not facts helps us to realize they are not bound by the laws of logic. We do not need to feel guilty about having them. This is an important distinction to make within yourself. We are taught that emotions need action, to either resolve or continue.

We have all known or been the jealous one, the envious one, the love swept eloper. These are all very valid emotional states. They do not however demand a physical response. It is okay to "sit with" your emotions. To allow them to flow through you. Do not try to ignore the stuff that does not feel good. Roll with it, know that all things especially emotions are temporary. Let it flow over you and through you.

Now we come to holding space, this is allowing yourself or someone else to go through this process safely and without fear of judgement or punishment. It looks like allowing someone to talk, cry, scream (within reason no one should be treated as a punching bag either verbally or physically) or throw a pillow without correcting or shaming them. Simple statements from the support person can be helpful here "that's understandable." "your feelings are valid." or the ever valuable "that fucking sucks man." Try to avoid anything that sounds like placating remember holding space is about creating a genuine moment to process emotion. This can be a time when reason flies out the window and logic hits the road. This is not a place to live, it is a place to visit. Remember if you or someone you know becomes a danger to themselves or others please contact a professional.

Holding Space Exercise:

• Sit for a minute and think of some comforting phrases that make you feel heard and supported. Write some down. what about them do you like?

• Think of some things you do not want to hear. What statements make you feel pushed aside or judged. Write some down.

• Compare your lists side by side. what makes them so different? what about them makes you feel either supported or not?

Holding space summary:

• Create a place of nonjudgement.

• Emotions are not facts but are valid.

• Your emotions are valid.

• Your emotions are yours

• There is no right or wrong way to feel.

• Emotions are not always connected to what is happening and that is okay.

• Honoring our emotions and allowing them a platform for release is healthy and something we can do for each other and ourselves.

How does any of this relate to Tarot?

When we read for ourselves or others we are placed in a vulnerable position. For ourselves we need to be open to the messages we receive and the emotions that will inevitably surface. The same applies to those we are reading for. We must be open to them experiencing whatever emotions the reading evokes. Tarot is about healing, facing challenges and evolving. They are fun and adventurous while simultaneously a deeply intense spiritual guidebook. Spiritual growth can sometimes be a painful process and holding space allows people that essential time. Facilitating this as much as we can is our ethical responsibility as readers.

Holding space is a powerful tool for healthy communication and should be used in all life's relationships. From professional to romantic relationship, emotions will inevitably surface. Learning to process them in a healthy way is extremely beneficial.