Pagan at christmas time? Santa is too!!

4 years ago I discovered that I have Scandinavian roots that go far beyond the british/Irish clans my parents claimed was the majority of genes for years. This meant the world to me to know that I have ancestors that celebrated the seasons far differently than the commercial brand of Christmas that was spoon fed to me every december alongside bowls of cranberry sauce and a pine-scented plastic pointed bush looking thing. Every winter, I was fortuned with a snow dusted house in the mountains, relatives to gather around an abundance of food, and of course presents. This was all wonderful and I am grateful for the memories that comes with this type of festivity. But, there is is "but" here .

I would spend 25 days in the month not feeling a damned thing that people called "Christmas spirit". Im no scrooge, and I am certainly not inclined to be a grinch in the more common references to those that go against the grain on a nationally recognized end of year shopping spree. No, I even went as far as spending entire christmas eves trying to hypnotize myself into tidings of cheer and visions of sugar plums with the pulsing sounds of carrols, movies, gift wrapping, card writing, baking, decking the halls and putting on the famous sweaters and red caps. None of these actions did a thing except promote synergy and made my loved ones feel better about the electricy bills going up. I for one felt over worked and underpaid for taking on the jobs of interior decorator, chef, and package delivery (all under 1 roof). Does any of this sound familiar?

There was 1 tradition "I" took upon myself that wasn't christmas at all, but it was the only thing that TRULY mattered to me amongst all the freezing weather and silent nights. Ice skating! My childhood home was near an outdoor icerink that was free to the public. I took the liberty to step away from all the holly-jolly in a smug hallmark setting, drudged through 3 feet of snow and went to lace up my old skates and glide across the frozen pond. Ice skating , made all the difference when I felt like I didnt have much to celebrate. The minute I could get up to speed and feel the brisk air hitting my face, I suddenly felt free to enjoy something that wasn't commercial or required a lot of 'Fa-la-la. This was a feeling of letting go, and of what I am not enirely certain. That feeling of 'tid av frid' or better known as time of peace. I would come to take this on as my personal Yule celebration for what still captures my heart 20 years later.

I recently discovered that Traditions of Yule are much in the same way about tributes to the season and not so much a ritual. The Spirit I was so desperately trying to feel was always manifested in things that went beyond the comforts of home. I now honor the winter solstice with my presence; taking in the elements despite harsh cold and moving joyfully in circles on the ice. I've accepted traditions that now include building snow people or monsters, making a fire, drinking a hot beverage, and being under the stars. I throw in some wreathes, candles, fruitcakes and bells on that list too. Add a nice pentacle atop a live tree covered in lights that look like galaxies and rainbows of colored ornamental totems with candy offerings, now THAT is a pagan holiday at its finest hour. My siblings and dear ol' mum would argue this at length and go conservative-literalist on my hide about now for this but its true.

None of this has anything to do with a monotheistic religion, or even me at that rate. Spiritual or not, while christmas is vastly celebrated by my modern non-denominational christian family, the whole concept of bestowed gifts and seasons greetings has been passed on for thousands of years by our extremely non-christian ancestors. Gathering heathen practices and calling it a biblical display to the birth of Jesus still pays great homage to pagans amidst calling their particular coven a 'prayer circle. If you have ever sacrificed a dead bird, offered it at a feast and chanted over it while holding hands before consuming the carcass, then you just might know what i'm talking about (but go ahead and call it "saying grace" all you like)! I am skeptical that their talk of a savior was truly a capricorn, but I am not surprised that they would go as far as adopting St. Nicholas in the stead of Odin, or Lord of Winter. Hey, I am not bashing anyone here for celebrating how they see fit, but there is great debate over the promotion of presents from Santa Claus vs. presents from aunts and uncles.

How the times have changed. I have grown closer to the typical gathering of my brother's children and mom's famous frosted sugar cookies. I find greater comfort in the keeping of loved ones near and sharing stories over a bottle of an obviously spiked eggnog. I look to the moon and sing a different carol now that differs to the coming seasons. All to place a gentle goodbye to the long nights; welcoming the spring and offering gratitude to the gift of a new day. Maybe thats worth looking into more. I have that semi-functional family that prefers drinking and playing cards rather than going to sunday mass. I have children that want to make pinecone decorations for the animals outside moreso than they want to bring the season indoors. I have aquired friends that gift crystals and sage bundles moreso than giftcards or keychains for the holidays. I've found that there is always a way to celebrate and be merry this special time of year. It might not come in an array of red and green, or in a sharp pair of skates, but possibly in things that get taken for granted i.e. Time to read, warm dry clothes, looking across the ocean, living surrounded by forests, living where it snows, having people that care for you, and having freedom. If you can take a deep breath right now and not be in pain, that too is reason to celebrate. Yule time this go around looks like surviving another calendar year mostly intact, and having some exceptional humans and animals around to keep me company as the solstice approaches and the frost sets on the windows. I found that spirit against all odds and now share it in my own home. I hope my story inspires you to look beyond what everyone else says and does, past the typical, and find your spirit too.