Out of the Shell

For as long as I can remember I have tried to make everyone happy with how I look, speak, and act. My dad and I moved around a lot, and not for any particular reason. From kindergarten through high school, I changed schools 6 times, I was pretty good at being able to adjust myself according to the “standards” my new school and town had in mind when I moved.

About 3 years ago I got married to someone I have known since I was 6 years old. A year later, I had my daughter. After getting married and starting a family I have had the issue of figuring out who I really am. What are my interests? What do I pretend to like for the sake of others? Who in the world am I? While these all may seem like simple questions, I have struggled with them since planning my wedding.

I lived in a relatively traditional household growing up. No piercings (except earrings), no dying hair (especially unnatural colors), and no tattoos. I had to appear “normal” with clothing. This meant, for example, can’t wear all black and had to sort of put up a front when I went out. This, plus moving around so much, made me hide my true self and try to please everyone else. Recently I was able to bring myself to do something I have wanted to do for a long time. While it may seems minor or simple, for me it was a huge step.

I died my hair black and blue. For many years I have wanted to dye my hair an non-natural color. This was the first I took towards truly acting and feeling like myself. Since I took this step, I have been able to speak up for what I believe in more, dress like myself, and even ignore what other people expect me to be sometimes. My family at first was very shocked to learn about my new do. However, after they realized it was just me being me and I wasn’t going back to my natural color, they laid off with their comments and opinions. Plus getting back to my natural color would’ve been way to hard.

I wish I would’ve been able to take a small step like this sooner because I would’ve been able to feel comfortable in my own skin. But it’s better late than never. I plan on dying my hair again and even have tattoos planned in my future. With the help of my husband and inspiration of my daughter, I’m finding who I am. Not who I put up for everyone to accept. I’m standing out in my own family, taking chances, being myself, and coming close to being perfectly happy with who I am.

I hope anyone and everyone take a chance to be true to themselves. Hiding yourself is hard, tiring, and in then end it hurts worse than stepping on legos. Find yourself, embrace yourself, and show yourself off for everyone to see. In the end it’s all worth it. It’s never too late, no matter what age, or where your at in life. It’s better late than never.