No one is you

Today's society is constantly bombarded with messages about how we should look and feel. What is the norm and what is considered awkward and out of place? Most of these ideas about how we should be are a product of culture, peer pressure and influence and it can be difficult to know the difference. We are all individuals with unique ideas and beliefs. This defines our perception of life and the way we choose to lead it. Some simple truths have been proven time and time again to help us with how we can be comfortable in our skin:

First and foremost, know that you are deserving of your respect. When you think of your self-respect, what do you see? The answer will surprise you. It is about feeling good about yourself and being able to stand up for your ideas and for what is right despite adversity and criticism. Self-respect can help us feel satisfied with our lives as they are without needing something outside ourselves to make us feel fulfilled or complete.

Do you see a person who is worthy of love and affection? We often associate self-respect with independence, but it is more than that. Self-respect is a gift you deserve, you are worthy of respect and no one else can give it to you but yourself. When we respect ourselves we become better people who treat others with kindness and compassion. No one can make us feel good about ourselves unless we believe in our worthiness first.

The only way for anyone else (including yourself) to know how much value they place on your life or contributions, is how much they put into making sure their opinion matters, which means giving their opinion less weight than those others who value different things than them. We all have unique gifts and talents of our own. It takes some longer to find their purpose than others, but we all do at some point as we were all created unique and for a reason. We all have individual roles to play in this world: parent, spouse, coworker, neighbours, friend, etc. Only you can know what they are and how to put them together to define your uniqueness. Taking responsibility for the way people see themselves before anything else is the key. No one is you and that's your power. Appreciate who you are, what you believe in and what you represent, regardless of what society expects you to conform to.

The next truth is to take care of yourself. You cannot feel good about yourself if you are not in the right frame of mind and body. in other words, eat healthily, exercise regularly and get enough sleep. There is no room for regrets about the past and 'what ifs'. We all have pasts and occurrences and situations that we might regret or wish never happened. The hard truth is that those past events are what have made you who you are today. It has played its role in shaping you. Let go and face the present which leads to the future. The past is gone, the present is now and the future is not guaranteed. So make the most of it now. Better yourself for yourself and be a productive member of your community.

Another truth is to say no to things that are not in your best interest without haven to apologize for it. If a friend offers to help you move into an apartment, for example, and you know that they are not lending a helping hand but rather causing you more work, then say no and be confident enough to stand by your position with or without a reason or explanation. Always remember to be kind in your approach but firm.

Never settle for less than you deserve. A person who takes advantage of others do so because they know the other person will not fight back. They usually take advantage of one's kindness, generosity and good nature. If you constantly allow someone to treat you badly, it shows them that they can get away with anything. It also says to them and the world, that I'm worth less than what I am. Put simply, if you don't respect yourself, others won't. You may ask, what does this have to do with respect? Well, it teaches us how much value we have in our own lives that will determine how much we will let people take advantage of us. There is only one like you so appreciate who you are and learn to blossom in your uniqueness. You deserve to be treated well, just as you are expected to treat others well.

Olamide Alimi