New Year, New Project, New Book!

“Breaking Past Demons” is going to be my new written goal for 2025. It’s going to be my overall project to create a book and to create snippets or passages representing my emotional healing along my journey. I started this journey with “I Can’t.” I’ve been struggling to feel secure in my job, secure in my feelings, and in my emotions. Utilizing vocal has allowed me to have a voice and to speak out when emotionally I feel absolutely every feeling out there. Vocal has given me an outlet to be heard by others. I’m so proud and glad to have found this community to work with.

Currently, I’m working on my Master’s Degree for Social Work and I’m working on my internship to become a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW). The hours are tough, but the outcome is going to be worth it in the end. It’s my goal to work with individuals and help clients with their therapeutic goals and affirmations. It’s also my goal to help others and myself to heal. I’m focusing on the trauma path and to help individuals work through their emotions and depression as it deals with trauma.

On a personal note, I’m also working on my own personal therapeutic journey. As a teenager, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder or BPD for short. (Hence the play on words for the title as well). I would like to look at the diagnosis of BPD and how it affects the lives of people. I would also like to review how PTSD, BPD, ADHD, anxiety, and depression can all overlap. There’s so much out there about all these conditions, but what we’ve come to realize overtime is that every person cannot be treated the same. Every person is going to have their own calling and therapeutic journey. As a social worker, it’s our goal to be the one who stands up for the client, the listening ear, and the helper. People need people.

Borderline Personality Disorder is a long-term mental illness disorder that can lead to unstable emotions and relationships. Individuals with BPD have difficulty regulating their emotions and have unstable moods. People who have BPD often feel insecure and may act out recklessly. Individuals with BPD can also have a persistent voided feeling that drives impulsive behaviors.

For me, the journey has been tough. I’ve struggled to see myself in a positive light. I’ve struggled through relationships, and I’ve burned some of those bridges. I am a person, but who am I outside of the roles I’ve got created for myself? Who do I want to be outside of the people pleaser personality I’ve acquired? “I want to be a better me.” That’s what I keep telling myself. “I want better for myself.” And I plan to get there.

At this time, there are a lot of resources, books, and materials out there that share information about individuals and what they may feel, experience, and how they might act. I’d like to bring a personal aspect of BPD and discover myself through self-discovery and research. I want to be able to find my own words to describe my thoughts and emotions. I want to have a voice that can stand up against the stigma of BPD and fight for me.

I was attending supervision with other counselors, when almost everyone was adamant about how BPD clients are some of the worst clients. That really broke my heart and struck a nerve in me. I was very upset when supervision was over, and I had no one to talk to about how I was feeling. There should not be a stigmatism against an individual with a personality disorder. There are all types of people out there needing help and who will shy away from getting help because of how they are treated or thought about.

I’d like to help other providers to shy away from feeling like BPD individuals are hard to work with. Every client is going to be a challenge. Every individual has to accept responsibility for where they are and who they are, but it is also the goal of a great therapist to challenge clients. “BPD patients are the most difficult, the most dreaded, and the most avoided – more than those with schizophrenia, more than those suffering from alcoholism or substance abuse, more than any other patient (Kreisman & Straus, 2021).” Feeling like you’re a challenge or difficult individual is struggling for me. I want to be able to feel welcomed and accepted by others and especially by my therapist, someone I’m embracing and trusting to help my mental health journey. It’s just as important to know that my feelings and emotions are valid.

So overall, my vocal challenge for year 2025 is to create a book on a personal level about BPD and how to challenge the stigma of the condition and diagnosis. I would also like to have some personal healing from digging deep on this subject and discovering more about myself. Mental health is a condition that needs so much help and needs someone to check in and be present for others. There are so many different types of mental health, and everyone processes differently.

I don’t feel like I’m new to the writing scene, but this will be a new challenge that will definitely engage my thought process, my beliefs, and influence how I work with others. I’m hoping that this self-exploration will assist me into becoming a stronger, more rounded, and independent counselor. One of these days I’ll be famous…not by doing things to become famous, but by working with individuals, by giving them things to think about and work on, by being a positive role model and influence in someone’s life.

I could hold my head up on that notion. I could feel accomplished and really like I’ve made my life worthwhile to help others. I think this is going to be my calling in life.

References:

Kreisman, J. J., & Straus, H. (2021). I hate you--don’t leave me: Understanding the borderline personality. TarcherPerigee, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC.