New Year New Art

"Let us begin again, because up until now we have done nothing."

-St Francis of Assisi

In other words, none of the shit we have achieved so far satisfies.

In other words, the past isn't a place to dwell because there's lots that still needs doing.

In other words THIS moment right now is real, and whether or not you feel motivated to seize it-- this moment is an opportunity for you to move your ass.... to get some shit done... to live intentionally, and fully.

Or something.

This quote from the medieval Italian radical is one of my all-time faves-- because it feels so surface-level douchey but actually speaks to a depth of motivation and purpose.

It comes across as confrontational. And it seems to downplay whatever we might be proud of or glad to have accomplished.

But sincere confrontation isn't really douchey, it's just bold and uncomfortable.

And isn't sincere confrontation kind of a blessing? Honesty in feedback and helpful critique is one of the most powerful gifts one person can give another.

More importantly, it's one of the most powerful gifts one can give one's self! Self confrontation is one of the most important tools we as individuals can cultivate, towards our own improvement and growth.

And this quote sounds like self-confrontation to me: Whatever I've done up until now (and whatever I might have failed to do) matters less than what I do now.

It doesn't help anyone (including myself) to rest and to lean back on my pride. And it doesn't help anyone (including myself) to ruminate on regret.

Each and every moment is a new moment, and that newness is a grand opportunity and a challenge for each of us to do and be the best that we can.

I love this quote and the message.

It's the same kind of vibe that many people find so easy to latch onto around New Years.... "New Year, New YOU!"

That sounds pretty grand. It's not to condemn who you've been, it's to encourage you to seize an opportunity to rediscover and reaffirm your own autonomy and whatever purposes or intentionality you hold.

The only rotten part of this New-Year-new-you sentiment is the fixation on an arbitrary calendar date. Why?

Every single day affords the opportunity for personal growth, personal purpose, and personal effort. But focusing so much of this renewal on one specific calendar day really feels like a copout. Putting too much emphasis on one day, kind of excuses us from full, intentioned living the rest of the year. It distracts us from the real and raw potential that every single moment of every single day affords for growth and affirmation.

We certainly don't need a specific holiday or a calendar date to find renewal, to embrace effort, or to enact necessary change.

So my resolution, moving forward is to live purposefully.

That's not just my resolution for this year, it's my resolution in general. For the moments of this year and the moments beyond.

To be deliberate.

I will remind myself that my moments are not infinite. Because they are precious, I will treat each moment with the attention and respect it deserves.

I know it's not gonna be easy, but that's kinda the point.

I gotta stop letting moments where I could be deliberate and intentional slip by without my notice.

I don't know if ya'll can relate. But I find it all too easy to make excuses for myself: excuses for my comforts and for my laziness and for my inaction and for my stagnation.

One of the biggest and stupidest excuses I make manifests as a shrug and a deferral, in the form of: 'I'll get to it later.' Why should I move my ass now, when I could just move my ass tomorrow. That's procrastination, and I know better. Of course I know better, on a surface level. I've known better for all my adult life. But knowing better and doing better aren't the same thing. The thing is, the future might not come, or it might come with new obstacles or priorities I haven't anticipated. Deferring an immediately possible action to a future that has no guarantee is foolish. I will remind myself that postponement is the immediate death of the moment, and the slow death of the intentional self and I don't see the fun in dying slow.

But procrastination and the deferral of the real present to some unpromised future isn't the only excuse I lean on.

Sometimes the excuses for my inaction are so hardwired by my lizard brain that I don't even realize I'm making them. For fuck's sake, I'm like 60% water-- isn't natural that I just take the path of least resistance?

Yes, it's natural. And it's thoughtless and it's easy and it's not so healthy or brave.

But often enough (that is to say, way too often) I chose not to act because of things like self doubt or general fear. But I know growth doesn't come without effort and trial and failures.

Another excuse that I know is really mostly subconscious is the excuse of habit. I checked my screentime report on my phone a while back, and it was something extreme like four or five hours a day.

WHAT the FUCK man.

I don't think of myself as a phone addicted zombie, but goddamn! Numbers don't lie. If I'm spending multiple hours a day doomscrolling, memeing, and reading articles I really and truly am just throwing those hours into a virtual garbage. I gain nothing, I contribute nothing. But I lose time.

And the thing is, staring at my phone isn't something I consciously deliberate on and choose to do. It's something I just do without thinking, usually when I'm laying down at the end of the day.

If I cut social media and doom scrolling out of my life completely, I'd gain a sizeable chunk of productive hours each day!

Admittedly, again, most of that slack-jawed doom scrolling is once I'm already down for the night. Maybe I won't have the energy to put in work at those times, but that doesn't mean there aren't better options. Regular old book-reading would be a more satisfying and purposed use of the waking hours... for that matter, simply going to sleep would actually be a healthier use of my time. An extra couple hours of sleep per night? What would that even feel like?

Probably damn good!

So I've got my excuses, and I know if I confront them head on I can make better strides towards my resolution.

But my resolution (to be purposeful and intentional) is pretty damn general, almost to the point of being too fluffy and vague.

My resolution for this year won't mean diddly-fucking-squat if it's just a feeling I try to latch onto in my head.

It'll be way to imprecise and clumsy to just stumble into each moment, merely hoping to be purposeful and an intentional. Without any sense of a personal mission, intentionality is kind of a silly joke.

I'll need specific, action oriented goals to strive for, or I'm afraid this resolution will be meaningless fluff.

So, to strengthen my resolve, I'm giving myself some specific assignments:

Goal 1: To drastically reduce my social media use, except as it intersects with writing or as it intersects with my other goals in useful ways.

In practice this will mean, removing social media apps from my phone, and only accessing them when I actually mean to, rather than anytime I'm bored or operating on the habit of tapping my phone. An tandem with goal 2, this will free up several hours each day, which can be put to use in any worthwhile direction.

On some level, I think social media use is nurtured by a fear of missing out-- on jokes, on moods, on feelings, on news, and on the lives of the people I care about. But the truth is most of social media is superficial nonsense and targeted advertisements-- both are things we should all PREFER to miss out on.

Goal 2: To drastically reduce my doom scrolling. Really, this isn't so different from Goal 1, and there's actually tons of overlap here, since much of my doom scrolling is on social media. But if I find myself digesting an overwhelming feed of emotionally paralyzing "news" I'll interrupt that flow and disengage. There's no good reason to guzzle the fear mongering or other poisons that flow so freely on the internet.

These things are not worth my time, so I'll stop wasting my time on them.

Goal 3: Dedicate more time to creative ventures, first and foremost I will do more writing. So many WIPs to button down! But I'm also gonna play around with some voice work on my own stories. That's a thing I've always wanted to try but often felt too self-conscious towards.

But fuck that! Time's a-wastin!

Goal 4: And this one applies to Vocal very specifically-- I want to celebrate other creatives and artists. This is a goal which I recently started to solidify offsite, but I only ever visualized it as a thing to execute here. There's a community on Vocal called Interview, and I am going to start writing there.

Now, to be totally upfront: I've never in my life read an interview. And I've sure as fuck never written one. Infact before the 2024 election results, I've never even wanted to write one. But my own personal fallout after seeing the election results changed things for me. My immediate gut reaction, was to completely lose hope.

Somehow Trump won-- the proven constant liar and visibly corrupt billionaire who shows nothing but disdain for the poor won the hearts and minds of so many... How?

It defied what felt to me the most obvious good. And I couldn't do a single thing to impact the problem for the better. And there were other, bigger problems against which I held even less power: genocide in gaza, war profiteering, broken healthcare systems, exponential widening of the wealth gap between the poor and the hyper-rich....

I felt like so many of the world's problems were so glaringly obvious yet so impossible for me to address or affect, that total emotional disconnect was the only viable option.

My jadedness and frustration with the state of the world kinda went through the roof and I reached a level of burnout towards broader politics that translated into an angry need to do something local and good.

So I'm going to celebrate and support other artists and creatives, by endorsing them and sharing some interviews and circulating their projects. I know I can't fix the ugliness of the world, but I figure I can use my meager presence to shine a light on some of the beauty, and there's not much more beautiful or healing or restorative than art.

Goal 5: This one relates specifically to Vocal too, but in a more social sense. I wanna challenge the community in one very specific direction... I want to encourage the exchange of sincere, non-hostile confrontation between us writers!

Here I mean to say: I want to see more comfort with the kindness of useful criticism. I'm going to be publishing some unofficial writing contests in the very near future, and they're gonna be open to the whole Vocal community-- with some tips/money up for grabs.

They will be on a variety of themes... but across each prompt, every challenge will include a direct invitation to participate in the gift of criticism-- as a dynamic and sustaining thing not only to give but to receive.

Subscribe if that sounds cool.

***

Well, that's my resolution: to begin again because up until now I've done nothing. To live with purpose and intention-- all the time!

It's gonna be so easy to fail, but I'll have many chances to try again.

On that note, I've got my goals.

Wish me luck :)