Navigating Young Adulthood with No Parental Guidance

When you're a kid, the phrase "Mother knows best" usually means that you have to do something that your mother wants you to do or not do something that your mother thinks you shouldn't be doing. While when you're young, "Mother knows best" usually means you just lost a fight, this phrase can bring immense comfort and relief to those same kids when they begin the journey into young adulthood. Many of my friends also in their early 20s use their parents as a lifeline for what to do for a job interview, when you go to the doctor by yourself, how to not turn all of your clothes pink in the washer, easy recipes to make, and some even see their parents as a 24-hour-ATM. BUT, if you're reading this, I'm sure you know that we are not all blessed with loving, supportive parents that show you how to adult. That's why I've put together some tips and resources that I've found helpful for learning how to navigate young adulthood with no parental guidance. I hope that this helps someone through this very difficult transition, and even though it isn't the traditional way to grow up, you're not alone, and you can still accomplish all of your goals while creating a life that you enjoy living.

1. Create a budget.

I think we can all agree that money, or lack-thereof, can create some intense stress and panic. The stereotypical, American college kid is "broke," but once you get to college, you realize that there are different types of broke. Those that are blessed enough to have their parents' financial support through this very difficult time don't understand the suffocating feeling of taking on all financial responsibility on a low-wage job while going to school. Whether you're working as a part-time cashier at a department store or waitressing on the weekends, it's important to calculate just how much you can afford to spend on everything (because it will feel like literally nothing is free). Here's an example of what your budget should look like:

• Each check (every other week) - $500
• Rent - $200
• Utilities - $50
• WiFi - $10
• Groceries/toiletries - $75
• Gas - $30
• Spotify - $10
• Savings - $30
• Gym - $10
• Activites/emergencies - $85

*Depending on your specific situation, you may be subtracting gas and Spotify and adding laundry and possibly some medical/school bills you want to slowly begin paying off. Also, if you're ever unsure of exactly how much you should set aside for a certain category, always aim a little higher than what you think you'll need- better safe than sorry.

When making a budget, make sure to include any monthly subscriptions including Netflix, Hulu, gym memberships, music apps, etc. Also, be sure to set as much money aside as you can for emergencies, especially if you drive (car maintenance can get very expensive). If you're like me, keeping that $30 aside for savings can get very difficult at times. An app I've found useful for this is Digit. Once you connect it to your account, Digit takes out small amounts of money every day; you barely notice that anything was taken, but after a while, the little savings add up.

2. Find at least one or two people that support and believe in you.

Aside from lacking financial support from your parents, not having their emotional support can feel even more discouraging. It is very important to have a core couple of friends/mentors/other family members that truly believe in you, want to help you, and want to see you succeed. Without anyone supporting you, it can be easy to become unmotivated and not be able to see the progress that you've made. You need supportive people in your life that will be there to tell you that you're doing great and to be the voice of reason outside of your own cluttered mind. I always liked the idea that although you can't choose the family that you're born into, once you reach young adulthood, you can begin to create your own little supportive family of close friends—and those people, you can choose.

3. Invest in learning how to cook.

I resisted this one for a while. I got sucked into the pattern of getting cheap, unhealthy food to scarf down in between classes or on my short breaks at work. Investing in learning how to cook will save you SO much money, and it is much healthier than eating fast food every day. Set aside one day a week to cook up some meals that you like; fill your Tupperware with portions of the meal, and store in the refrigerator to make them easy to grab and eat during the week. Once you make this a part of your routine, you'll realize how much money and time you're saving!

One article that I found to be helpful with deciding what easy recipes I could make was "Easy Clean Eating Recipes" by Mackenzie Kennedy on Vocal.

4. Find your outlet.

I am a very big advocate for mental health, as I think that everyone should be, and that's why I've included this very important tip for staying sane in the adult world. Find a hobby or activity that you truly enjoy—something that helps you relieve stress. These can range from drawing to working out to playing instruments. Whatever it is that helps you focus all of your attention on that one thing and have a break from thinking of responsibilities—MAKE TIME FOR IT. Spending every second of your time working, doing schoolwork, or other responsibilities will eventually drive you insane. Having an outlet to let out your frustrations and relax will make you more focused and level-headed when dealing with day-to-day life. It is important to remember that your mental health should always come first. If you need to take a sick day to tend to your mental health—do it. Treat it as a physical injury or illness that you wouldn't hesitate to take time off for, and never feel guilty or embarrassed for doing so.

5. Utilize the internet.

Although my generation spends a large amount of time on social media, I think that we sometimes forget that we have so much USEFUL information at our fingertips. (Your coworker's aesthetically pleasing food on Instagram is not useful information.) Everything that I wasn't taught from my parents such as cooking, how to change a flat tire, how credit works, etc. can be found on the internet—that is, be sure that your online sources are credible. There are YouTube tutorials and online "how to" articles for just about anything you can think of, and utilizing this amazing resource can change your life for the better.

6. Reward yourself.

Once again, if you're like me, you are very tempted to soothe yourself with a good meal or some new clothes when you start to feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities of life. Although this can hurt you if indulged too often, I do think that it can help to use a reward system with yourself to give yourself the extra push to get shit done. Promise yourself your favorite snack once you've finished your assignment, or block off some time after your work shift for taking your frustrations of the day out at the gym. Self-motivation can be a very difficult thing to get a handle on, but gaining self-discipline through being able to motivate yourself will keep you from allowing dreaded assignments and/or responsibilities to pile up and become unmanageable. If you've grown up most of your teenage life without parental guidance, you may have already adapted to this independent role, but it is a difficult adjustment that can take time to master. But you CAN do it. And this may just be because I don't know any other way, but doing this on your own feels so much more rewarding.