My Truth

What is my truth? Is it that I am a bubbly, charismatic, outgoing and wild human? Or is it that I am lonely - although not alone? Can I be both? This is how I came about realising that I can never truly be happy until I understand my truth.

Anyone who says they are happy ALL the time, is lying. I don't mean that you have to be crying at least once a week or bed ridden once a fortnight - but it is okay to not feel okay sometimes. Once I started facing this occasional feeling of anxiety, fear and depression head on and stopped just trying to push it back deep into what are the deepest, darkest parts of my mind - it became easier. What is the truth in this situation? Am I truly only feeling sad because of something material or could it be something as simple as losing sleep at night? When I encouraged myself to look into what is troubling my mind, I put myself at ease and began to feel a sense of peace within.

I am a happy person - who sometimes feels sad. I am a confident person - who sometimes needs to be encouraged. I am an independent woman - who sometimes needs her hand to be held. I am not one specific type of person because I sometimes feel a different way on Monday than I do on Thursday.

For a while, I believed that everything I ever knew to be true about myself - was a lie. Every cover letter that ever accompanied my Resume was rubbish. "How can I say I am a bubbly, outgoing person if I can't even bring myself to get out of bed today in the fear of having to face the general public?" Easy. I am a bubbly person, just not today. I am outgoing, but I want to be alone today.

For too long, young men and women are forced to decide who and what they want to be without truly knowing and understanding themselves. The pressure society puts on all young men and women to make a choice and stick to it and put on a face of who they need to be - lays a rocky foundation for their adulthood.

Do not think that you are one type of person. I have 2, 3 even 4 different ways of being but they are all me. I like to be surrounded by people I love and I like to be on my own. I love going out for a 3 course meal in the hustle and bustle of the city and I love staying in with a home cooked meal and a movie. You do not only need to be or feel one thing. You are you and once I understood that about myself and truly appreciated myself for the woman that I am, I finally found my truth.

IMK