My lighthouse in the Storm

I was overwhelmed, lost and tattered. I had found myself in this horrific, raging storm that had no end in sight. My only source of hope was that glaring green light in the distance and it shined brighter than the sun to me. I was alone trudging my way through this storm the best I could with my goal being to reach that lighthouse. Until one day I came upon a cave and found refuge from the storm. I didn’t know how long I would be there but I was glad to have found shelter even for a moment.

There were days when the storm lessened and I found myself just trying to survive again. Some days were better than others, and some days I stayed in that cave all day because it was safer. Yet, that lighthouse still shined in the distance just as strongly as the first time I laid eyes on it. Once again, I would set out again to reach that lighthouse. The more I tried to weather that storm alone the more I failed, bitterness became my sole companion. I kept walking back to that cave at the end of my journey because I knew peace there and I felt comfort there. That beacon of hope I was sought became a source of resentment for me.

I was never able to move forward, and began to feel trapped in that cave. That bright green light dimming my inner light ever so much. Until one day I hated that lighthouse, and hated what it represented to me. It was a place I could never reach. Illuminating my haunting past in the passing shadows of the storm. I wanted to find myself closer each and every day only to discover that I never made any progress. My spirit was disgruntled, my mind ashamed that I could never make any progress and my body exhausted from the storm.

Eventually I only left that cave to get food and my basic necessities. That green light in the distance became a constant reminder of my failure to move forward, and my inability to weather the storm. That green light was a curse and yet when I thought my strength had returned, I once again set forth to that lighthouse. Finding refuge in other caves along the way, but it always seemed out of reach.

Then one day the storm cleared up just long enough for me to see the true path to that lighthouse. I swore to myself this time I would make it and I did. With knees trembling, and arms reached out I knocked on that door to the lighthouse. An old man answered with a bright smile on his face and he welcomed me home. I was confused because I had no recollection of this place as a home, but I felt safe and at peace here.

There was no pain, no hurt, and no bitterness in that moment. He asked me about my journey, and listened to everything I had to say, the good and the bad.

He shook his head with understanding and then spoke words of compassion and kindness to me. "It must have been very tough for you," he said, and then he asked me "why did you sit there in the cave having given up." I responded that "I was afraid to move forward, afraid of going back into that storm only to find myself lost." "I could rest in that cave and I was so tired of trying every single day but never getting closer to the lighthouse."

He looked me in the eyes and said "I'm glad you made it, and told me I wasn’t ready to return home until this very moment." I paused a moment to reflect on those words and then when I was ready to speak the words didn’t come out. Instead, tears began rolling down my face and I cried. I wasn’t ready to return home to the lighthouse because I saw it as a monument to my failures and my pain. That green light shined through the night, the storm, but it never once led me home. I felt betrayed, and I felt so alone. You see, I wasn’t always alone in the storm.

Along the way I met many others who were searching for the path to the lighthouse. Most of them made it there long before I ever did and I resented that. "Why couldn’t I find my way?" I cried, "why didn’t you come look for me yourself," I screamed. The old man replied with a soft-spoken voice, "I did look for you every single day, and I kept the light burning every single night. I never gave up hope that you would return, but I couldn’t find you in that storm."