Maybe my Energy

Part of my purpose and part of the reason I've been alone, or perceived to have been alone, at some points in my life is because I needed to learn my own energy. Energy being my thoughts, emotions, spirit and body. To understand what energy belonged to me and what belonged to others because I now know my greatest strength is my empathy. Not everything I feel is my own and sometimes, well a lot of the time, I couldn't tell the difference. I actually didn't even know I was feeling other energies. I had to be alone to realize this was happening and begin to learn the difference. I now realize my energy is whatever I want it to be and nobody can take that away. I now know that my energy is my own to do with what I want, when I can tell the difference between my own and the energy of others, or environments, places, spaces and things. It’s liberating to be able to understand that when I'm in my own energy I can relax into it because I know it's mine. Then to realize I like my own energy when it's not affected by others because I can make it whatever I want with the power of my mind. A thought creates an emotion which changes my energy, and many thoughts have been planted there by others, or are coming from my subconscious. When you don't understand the power of your own thoughts they can take complete control, and when you don't know where those thoughts come from or why, but you believe them, you can get lost. I got lost.

I'm just finding myself now in my 40s, reclaiming myself, because I now understand my energy is my own, and it is what I want it to be, and I'm learning to like it, to love it. So maybe I can be grateful for all the time I've spent alone… Even as I say this sadness comes up from my heart space because I want companionship so badly, but maybe there's still more I need to learn about how to tell the difference between my energy and others, now that I accept it's real, so I don't get swallowed up in their energy and blend with it, not knowing clearly where I end they begin. Maybe to strengthen my empathy, now knowing where I end and they begin, because empathy and compassion are some of the most powerful tools that I have, that we all have.

It's not to blame others, because we're all in our own pain, and maybe they don't know yet that they have control of their own energy. Maybe we all have much more empathy than we realize, but it's so tempting to want to shut it down when it hurts and maybe we don't even recognize sometimes that it's not even our own that we feel. Maybe if we could all understand our own energy and that we have control over it with our thoughts, the more we can empathize with each other the more powerful and happy we can become.

Maybe when we feel pain and we want to numb it, or distract, or shut it down, if we chose to instead feel it and even empathize with it, have compassion for it, and allow it to move through our energy, we could free ourselves of some suffering. Then it wouldn’t remain stuck inside, and we wouldn’t pass it on to others, and we could learn that it's OK to be in those dark places in our own energy because it's all within our control. When you understand that in the darkest depths where nobody wants to go still can't harm you, only if you suppress it, and that it's just a part of your energy that doesn't need to stay, then it can just flow through and be felt. Maybe when we understand this, then we can empathize with others easier, while also understanding where we begin and they end, so we don’t drain each other. If we mutually understand our own energy can't harm us, we understand we won’t harm each other. Maybe the reason I'm alone is to understand this and to share it with you, and to finally learn to like my own energy and understand it because it is whatever I want it to be. When I understand this, I have control of my life. Maybe others who have abandoned, rejected, and/or judged me didn't like my energy because I didn't know where I started and they began. Maybe I was reflecting their own energy back to them.

Maybe if I truly begin to understand and define the boundaries of my own energy, then I can feel others energy without them affecting mine and therefore hold space to witness them. Hold space for them to witness their own energy and allow them to begin to understand it.

Maybe empathy and intuition are deeply intertwined. Maybe by sensing energy, especially the unseen, like thoughts and emotions, and subtle changes in environments, we can navigate easier through life. Maybe understanding our energetic boundaries makes this more clear and concise. Maybe by learning to understand our own empathy and intuition instead of suppressing it, we could break societal norms like; serving others means sacrificing yourself or pain is bad. These disempowering societal norms actually serve no one. Maybe pain is power when we understand it and let it flow through, especially when we understand what’s ours and what’s not. Maybe this is just the beginning of so much more…

Today is the peak of the Lion’s Gate portal when the star Sirius is aligned with Orion’s Belt, the sun and the moon to give us empowerment to take action. Maybe this is all perfectly aligned and meant to reach whoever needs it now. Maybe empathy and intuition are our superpowers.