Making a Fool of Myself this New Year

I know I am an okay singer. I often don't hit the high notes right and I take breaths in awkward spots. I need someone who sings on tune next to me to be on tune in a choir. And I lose my note when my husband starts singing in his bass voice. I just sing whatever comes to mind and hum words I don't know--mostly chorus lines. I sang in different school and church choirs while I was a teen and young adult. I always sang "My Favorite Things" when I tried out for musicals. I didn't quite have it memorized.

But my favorite place to sing was in my bedroom or outside. I'd belt out tunes while I walked around my yard, or walking around town, mopping the floor, or while cleaning at the elementary school. It often filled me with spiritual joy.

A neighbor said I had a beautiful soprano voice and I felt a bit shocked. All I'm thinking is no one is supposed to be listening to me sing. I had another friend compliment my singing when I sung an original poem to her at a sleepover.

In Blanding growing up, we had professional level musicians and singers. Like Utah Mormons and Utahns in general breed musically talented people like rabbits. So I knew I had little chance of any solos in a musical. In grandiose moods I wanted it. Many people were better than me. I had fun with my friends just singing fun songs like "Bare Necessities" for pop choir. It was always great to just listen how well others sang too, especially young adult church choirs. I also joined band my junior year of high school just to hear the other instruments play while I squawked on the oboe.

I have not sung in a choir for over 20 years now, but just stick to singing loudly and annoyingly in my home. I had wanted a piano for a long time, so my husband bought me a digital piano about 10 years ago. When I sat down to plunk out a melody, he realized I knew how to play some. Well, I know how to play the top hand and read notes.

My second son especially hates when I sing the two lines I know of "Mother Knows Best" from Tangled. The villains are often the best parts to perform, including Ursula singing "You poor unfortunate soul." I once aspired to be more a princess, which my sister thinks I am, when I feel more at home as the quirky side character or Disney witch.

I am still too shy to sing in public or at church. I can't carry a tune in a bucket around others, but I decided I am part of the We Do Not Care Club of perimenopausal women. I am in my 40s so my body is getting close to perimenopause. I am closer to not caring what others think--at least online.

I've been making videos of myself singing a capella the last week and I plan on continuing. Maybe I can make a few bucks, but I need 4000 hours watch time and 1000 YouTube subscribers to qualify for AdSense. I have 6 subscribers. So I am well on my way to being infamous. I felt so proud when one short reached over 1k views in 3 days. I tell myself I am going viral. Then my oldest son and brother tell me I need at least 1 million followers/views to be an influencer or go viral. Whatever. I must repeat that I do not care!

I've been wearing pajamas and recording myself in my living room in the evening. I do not care. I can have hairy legs and wear cut offs in these videos. I do not care. Out in public, well I care too much.

Oh well. I make it my goal to not care and make a donkey fool out of myself online. But I'll stay mostly within the parameters at church, work, and the grocery store. Where I will probably will stay shy. Where people are usually surprised when they read my frank posts and texts.

So Happy New Year to Y'all!

It's time to make a fool out of yourself to a small extent, but not too much. Stay out of jail. Keep your job.

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