Loving Your Scars

We have all had scars at some point in our life, however there is a few scars that will always be worth it. As kids, we fall, scrape our knee, break a bone, it comes with the territory. Most of those scars fade over time, but there are some scars that you should be happy that don't fade and is a constant reminder.

I've always had issues with body image, I was never happy with my body. As a child I was the chubby kid. It was hard, it was devastating. While all the other kids had slim builds, I was the kid that was just... chubby. Even as a baby, I was just chubby. Elementary school wasn't to bad, kids weren't to mean back then, however as I got into junior/high school, that all changed. I definitely was the quiet child, homebody, kept to myself. I had select friends, which was fine by me. I went through the harassment of boys asking me to be their gf and then break up with me because I was chubby (fat). As a girl, just trying to survive high school, self-esteem was non existent. I always had younger friends because the kids my age were just.. well rude. However, all of my friends were thin and skinny. All the guys wanted the girls and I was just there. I believe my freshman and sophomore year, I was wearing size 14 jeans. For a 14/15 year old girl that was a lot, it didn't help that I was short as well. I fought with stretch marks, as my body was fluctuating like any maturing teenager. I hid them, from everyone. I wore bagging clothes to hide behind. PE I was in pants and sweaters, even when it was death outside. I was just never comfortable in my own skin. Keep in mind, I definitely was a tomboy growing up, baggy clothes just came with the territory. I didn't feel the need OR want to show off any parts of my body. Everything felt big, Everything looked big.

Summer before my junior year, everything changed. I started loosing my baby fat. I think I went from a 14 to a 8/10. I remember walking on to campus the first day of school and a previous bf saw me, I don't know if you'd consider them actual bf's since it lasted maybe a day. Anyway, I saw him out of the corner of my eye, as his mouth dropped open as I walked by. He called my name and said,"Wow you look great." I politely smiled and kept walking. That should have been an ego boost, but it wasn't. No matter the compliments, no matter the smiles and admiration from people. I still felt fat, I still felt out of place. I went through my junior and senior year, continually loosing weight, not by choice. By the time I graduated high school I was in a size 2/4, but with loosing all of that, I gained stretch marks. Which didn't help the self esteem at all. Was I happy that I was a size 2/4, hell yeah, I'll admit it was a small ego boost, but not enough to get away from having severe body image issues. I still looked in the mirror and saw an overweight, chubby, little girl. By the time I hit college, I was in a size 0/2. The skinniest I would ever be in my life. I looked like my friends in high school, skinny, petite, had a flat stomach. I looked how I was wanting to look all through high school, unfortunately I was just a late bloomer. The stretch marks however, would always be permanent and something that I will always battle with.

Fast forward and three kids later, what can I say... ALL THE SCARS. I had my first kid at 20, second at 21, third at 25. Unfortunately there was complications with my first, which pushed me to having an emergency C-section. That was my very first permanent scar and the most meaningful. Meaningful not only because it was from my first born, but it was my very first "battle scar." It's an honor and a blessing to bring a child into this world, there was a high probability, that my first born would not be here if I didn't have an emergency C-section. So I wear the scar proud because of him. With having three kids, the scars, loose skin, stretch marks are a permanent part of my body now. After having my kids, my body image issues haven't disappeared, buuuuttt I am able to deal with it better. I still look at other women and wish I looked like them. I still picture myself as if I was still 19, but then reality hits. I look in the mirror and see my scars, flabby skin, stretch marks, my whole body image just deflates.

With all that being said, how I have learned to deal and accept my scars/flaw, are my kids. They don't judge, they don't look at me different, they love me for who I am and what I look like. When they smile at me it's genuine, when they tell me they love me, it's genuine. They don't see a skinny me, fat me, scared me... they just see me, their mom.

For those of us fighting this battle, it's okay, you're not alone. If you have stretch marks, call them your tiger stripes. They are beautiful. If you have a C-section scar, call it your love scar. You are beautiful. You brought something beautiful into this world, so wear them proudly. Not all of us can go back to what we looked like before kids, we aren't all blessed genetically and that's okay. We don't need to look like some toothpick model, which I now call skinny fat because they have no definition/muscle (crossfit coach here). We are who we are, scars and all, so love them. It took me having kids to accept my body for what it is, scars and all. Don't get me wrong, there are times I do wish I had a flat tummy, my body image issues will never fully go away, but I've accepted that it will never happen and I'm okay with that. Being skinny like a toothpick is over rated. Stressing over small things that don't matter is a waste of to much energy.

So be you. Be happy. Love your scars.