Loose the Extra Baggage...

Just a year ago, I was working and existing seemingly on autopilot: waking up, working, letting all my stuff amass and feeling too tired and overwhelmed to do a thing about it. Fast forward to March (2020) and I, like many, found myself without employment or the means to afford my rent. So I packed ALL my belongings and moved back home.

Months strung together in a frightening and monotonous fashion. Job hunting consumed me as a desire to achieve my own place in the world became my mission, but nothing was happening and anxiety and depression took hold. There was a nagging whisper telling me to go through my things and get organized, I left it ignored and distracted myself by whatever means possible.

The holidays came and went, but me and all my stuff were still here, same as always. Last month felt like a shock to the system, how exactly had time gotten away from me? and what could I change to make 2021 better? I had to confront the reality of the mess I had, again, spent the year with and decide whether I was ready to let go.

Amazingly, it was nowhere near as petrifying a prospect as it had been just weeks before, maybe not needing to go into work every day or not utilizing the purchases I had bought myself how justifying they’d transform my life had finally provided clarity. A realization that my only path to liberation was to FINALLY let go of everything that no longer serves me. Not just the tangible items, all the limiting thoughts, erroneous beliefs and habits that have kept me from living my life to its fullest potential.

I still spend my days looking for work, but rather than remaining virtually idle, I am cleaning out my closet: tossing out items that I haven’t used in a year. Surprisingly, navigating through the clutter is cathartic and it feels good to let go. Something that isn’t yet as simple: not berating myself for having taken so long. Is it possible to change my thoughts and ditch toxic behavior? I am certain it is, but, like the piles in my closet, which didn’t happen overnight, it would be foolish to expect quick transformation. If I can use the progress I see with my closet to inspire the work needed to change my mind, I believe I can stick to my resolve of making this my best life in spite of what the world throws my way.

To begin, I have set a goal to use each day to grow through effort. Setting up time to list unused items for sale, organize items I use, throwing out/recycling trash and gathering items to donate. Additionally, I have scheduled time for researching employment and time to read and learn new skills. And, in my effort to live up to my goals for improvement, I have set up time to reflect and journal my progress and list things I wish to improve.

I am focusing on that which I can control and decreasing my exposure to external noise (television, social media, interaction with acquaintances who no longer match what I am striving to be). Although it has only been a short time, I can sense improved attitude and feel inspired and optimistic. Is this easy? no. When I struggle to stay focused on my goals, I find that reminding myself of what the easy way out has done for me-kept me stuck in a cycle of chaos, depression and inactivity, provides a reminder of what I need to do.

In order to grow beyond and break out of that pattern, I need to stay committed to believing in myself and taking responsibility for my actions, realizing that nobody owes me anything except me. If I want more out of life, that is my duty. Rather than waiting for good to happen, I need to put forth daily effort and chart my progress. Admitting this helps keep me on task and forces me to step outside of my comfort zone (an insular world of misery and childish behavior that doesn’t go anywhere). Life is a journey, sitting on a merry-go-round is akin to running in place, the desire to reach new destinations fuels my momentum and provides me with the energy to keep shedding unnecessary baggage.