Looking back: 2025 was a beast

It's hard to know where to begin with this. I've perhaps given a hint that it's been a bit of an ordeal from my title, and in most respects, it has; on the other hand, there's the case to be made that it really hasn't been so out of the ordinary at all, just this amazing thing called "life" with its highs and its lows.

What I will say is that this year, I have learned a lot. There are a lot of reasons for that:

I've reached an age where chances are that I've got less years on this planet left than I have lived already - that's a sobering thought;

My boys are becoming men, and while it's gratifying to see them become independent of me, it is also leaving me a little empty;

I have become more conscious of my health and especially my body with its aches and its twinges and its gripes, things that I have been lucky enough not to have to deal with until now;

Technology is fast growing to become an indomitable force we might never try to reckon with;

People are easily fooled, or at least are prepared to turn a blind eye to abominable behaviour, exploitation, and lies, as long as they feel that they will benefit from its spoils;

People die. People you know, people you like, people you love. Icons, familiars, strangers.

The pleasure of travel is never satiating;

I always did, but never more so than now, believe that everything happens for a reason.

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The thought of having less time left on this planet than I have already lived is a sobering reminder that I have reached a certain age.

I'm 52. If I live to 92, I've already passed my hump year. Maybe I'll live until I'm 105, in which case, I'm just approaching that mid point. This is doubtful and besides, I have mixed feelings about living to really old age. If I had my faculties and a degree of independence then maybe but if my body breaks down and I'm blind and deaf or mad, then it might be better to put me down like an old dog.

I am not going to allow life to take control over me. I have planned trips, books to read, experiences of personal growth for myself, but life is forever on the move, and who knows what?

My boys are becoming men, and while it's great to see them become independent of me, at the same time, it leaves me a little empty.

My beautiful boys, and this is what they are, and will remain: my beautiful boys. But inexorably, they are becoming young men, and this is a wonderful thing to see. At one time, I wondered if I would ever hold a child of my own, so to have two heading towards independent adulthood is a win indeed. I am grateful for this more than I could ever express.

But with the success of nurture and love comes separation and a shifting in the dynamic between mother and son. I can see the benefits of this, but it also fills me with an inordinate amount of sadness and a wistfulness for things now gone, irretrievable, and located only in memories, scrapbooks, the odd video, or expressions glimpsed occasionally in a softened glance or relaxed moment before assuming the adult character mask is repositioned, heralding a future being faced by them beyond me.

It is the double-edged sword, as the cliché goes, and it stings with its cutting blade.

I have become more aware of my health and especially my body with its aches and its twinges and its gripes, things that I have been lucky enough not to have to deal with until now.

I don't think anything serious is wrong with me, but I'm not as plump as I used to be. I still have a spring in my step, although that's more to do with the sole of my Skechers than young joints and a love for life. I have my fresh gaze and my open mind, but my grey hairs, crinkly cleavage, and chin whiskers remind me I am past my prime. I'm sort of okay with that, but a part of me is sad, because I just don't bounce back anymore with as much vigor after a long walk, and too much greasy food gives me night sweats.

I try to focus on the privilege of being here, living and doing that comfortably without external restriction. I'm pretty lucky really.

But I can do without the reminders that the shell I am in is wearing out and I don't have the powers of the hermit crab.

Technology is fast-becoming an indomitable force that we may not be able to reckon with.

I have, it is fair to say, mixed feelings about technology. I can see its benefit but I also thinks it makes you lazy. In particular, the rise of AI does give cause for concern, and I know-it's amazing. And it is. There is no denying its capabilities. Time-saving and all that.

But to that, I would say: what are you saving that time for? I do hope it's soul-enriching, but chances are, it's not.

And: why don't you want to think for yourself? Why don't you want to create something yourself? Why don't you want to challenge yourself? Why let a machine do it for you?

Technology and AI are good for certain things, but I am a great proponent of "If you can do it yourself, do it yourself". Sometimes, I crave a map and the uncertainty of interpreting it, just for the rush of not knowing and the achievement when you've safely got to your destination. Is the spoon-feeding of instructions from a detached computer voice easier, or does it really give you that sense of success?

Writing. This is going to be reduced to its bare bones by AI. I can already see it withering. It's one of the reasons why I'm not on Vocal as much, the insipid arrival of AI. This year, I have purchased a diary. It is a beautiful thing: teal green with a gold honeycomb pattern with bee motif and a clasp to close it. In it, I am going to write. Just whatever I want and I may publish some for the internet; I may not. I want to share but I don't want my ideas used by a bot for its improvement. I do however want these ideas to spill out of me and be shaped into a tangible form to be experienced on the page. I can't wait for Jan 1st.

People are easily fooled, or at least prepared to turn a blind eye to abominable behaviour, exploitation and lies, as long as they feel that they will benefit from its spoils.

I think of the charlatans of old, the salesmen who touted their wares behind stalls, promising that their elixir would stop your aches and pains or their potion would make you more attractive to the opposite sex or win you wealth. You want to believe it's true, maybe buy into it, maybe convince yourself that there's been an improvement but secretly, in your soul, you know that what you've been sold is something noxious and useless. You feel aggrieved at this but you can't speak up because then your gullibility and your stupidity would be on show for all to see. You've been shafted - best not draw attention to it. Hide it with bluster and defiance so that your embarrassment and shame remains inside where it festers and don't aim it at the salesman! Aim it at those round you weaker, the easier targets who fold with your rancour and cower with your angry indignation.

I needed that rant.

I thought we were older and wiser, that we were more astute, balanced thinkers, but it appears not. Actually, that's not totally true because I do see people question a world in which we are presently living and the leaders we look to, and it gives me heart. Respect, justice, and decorum are in limited supply, though, as is an awareness of our fellow man.

I do fear for the erosion of all that is good, but good has a fighting spirit and greater awareness of salesmen.

People die. People you know, people you like, people you love. Icons, familiars, strangers.

People have been taken from me this year, and I gotta say, it hasn't been great. With elderly parents, I don't anticipate this ever getting easier, best to just enjoy your loved ones, while you can. That's what I propose to make the most of in 2026. Savour their presence, revel in their company. Enjoy them while they are there to be enjoyed. Make memories to add to others already stored.

The joy of traveling is never reduced.

I live a life where, yeah, I get to see things and experience things, and go visit things. Other countries, other cities, historical sites, theatres, cultural hotspots. I'm a lucky girl.

This year? Biarritz. Holst and Beethoven at the Royal Albert Hall in London. The Rockies, skiing. Krakow and Auschwitz.

Next year? Istanbul and Seville confirmed but who knows where else? So much still to see, taste, smell, walk, hear, ride.

And while I can do it, I will.

By Ilona Bellotto on Unsplash I've always believed this, but never more so now: things always happen for a reason. I lost my job this year. I liked the job but most of all, I liked my colleagues in the office. Because it was a great place to work, I was really sad to lose it. The reason I need to have a job is that university education is expensive and I want to put my sons in a situation where they will lead relatively debt-free lives. That's part of my job as mum-to provide for them, but also to show I care and can step up to help in whatever way I can. I am a role model and take that seriously. It was a blow, being made redundant but you move on. I got temporary work: as a receptionist, as a supply teacher. I learn that more and more as I get older, I am a creature of habit. I find new situations intimidating and my anxiety levels push me to the limits of my own rationality and self-control. But, I can survive these situations and feel more confident for having done so. This is the biggest thing I can take away from this year, that I am a capable, confident woman who is skilled and useful and has much to offer. I may be in my fifties, but there is, as the saying goes, life in the old dog yet, and this one is willing to learn new tricks. Losing my job opened life up for me in another way. I was a little scared at the prospect of finding a job again, but I did find several, even if they were temporary, and now I'm in a fab permanent situation with a job that suits me in terms of what is required, the environment in which I work, and the hours I'm there, plus I'm surrounded by a whole new set of lovely colleagues. I'm settled again, and it feels great; if it flips, I'll be good too. By Madalyn Cox on Unsplash So, in summary, 2025 was a beast but I feel like I tamed it. So here's to 2026: writing, crafting, healthier eating and exercise, trips away, and more living. And let 2026 know this: I am here-big, ready, and eager-to see what it's got in store. Modest but confident and prepared. Like Anthony Joshua to its Jake Paul.