Learn to Love Yourself

I don’t remember the exact moment I stopped loving myself. Maybe it was somewhere between comparing myself to others and trying to meet everyone's expectations. Or maybe it was all those times I smiled while quietly breaking inside. What I do remember is this: one morning, I looked in the mirror and felt nothing. No spark, no confidence, not even sadness. Just emptiness.

It wasn’t always like that. I used to laugh without holding back. I was proud of small things like making the perfect cup of chai or writing my thoughts in a diary. But as life went on, I started shrinking myself to fit in. I constantly sought validation likes on social media, praise at work, approval from friends. I didn’t even notice when my self-worth became dependent on what others thought.

Things hit hard when a close friendship ended. I blamed myself. I replayed every conversation in my head, wondering where I went wrong. That loss made me spiral. I stopped taking care of myself, physically and emotionally. I was running on autopilot working, eating, sleeping but I wasn’t really living. I felt like a background character in my own life.

One day, while scrolling aimlessly through Instagram, I saw a quote that said, “You can’t pour from an empty cup. Learn to love yourself first.” It felt cheesy at first, but those words stayed with me. I realized I’d spent so long loving people who didn’t love me back, showing up for others while completely ignoring myself.

That night, I opened an old notebook and wrote at the top: “How do I learn to love myself?”

The journey wasn’t some magical transformation. It was messy and slow. I started small. I made a rule to say one kind thing to myself each morning, even if it felt fake. “You’re trying, and that’s enough.” That was my first one.

I stopped following people online who made me feel less-than. I replaced them with pages about mental health, body positivity, self-growth, and healing. I didn’t realize how much content I consumed daily that made me feel unworthy.

I also started journaling again—not to sound poetic, but to be honest. Some entries were just, “I’m tired.” Others were long rambles filled with self-doubt, but the more I wrote, the more I understood my own feelings. Writing helped me unpack years of buried emotions.

Then came boundaries. That was the hardest part. Saying no. Choosing myself. Not explaining every decision. It felt selfish at first, but I slowly understood that loving yourself isn’t selfish it’s necessary.

I began to rediscover things that brought me joy—solo walks, sketching, baking cinnamon rolls, and listening to music with my eyes closed. Slowly, I built a life that felt like mine, not something I was performing for others.

One of the biggest shifts was how I talked to myself. I used to say, “You’re so stupid” over small mistakes. Now I pause and say, “It’s okay. You’re learning.” That change in inner dialogue took time, but it made a massive difference.

I still have bad days. I still doubt myself. But now I know how to come back to myself. I remind myself that healing isn’t linear, and self-love is a practice, not a destination.

If you’re reading this and you feel lost or unworthy, please know this: You are not broken. You don’t need fixing. You just need care the same care you so freely give others. Start small. Write to yourself. Sit with yourself. Forgive yourself.

You deserve the love you keep giving away.

So learn to love yourself not just when you’re at your best, but even when you’re messy, confused, and uncertain. Because that’s when you need it the most.

What’s one thing you’ve done lately that made you feel truly loved by yourself?