Laughter in the Waiting Room

1. Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "Nine."

2. Doctor says to his patient:

"You have Cancer and Alzheimer."

Patient: "At least I don't have Cancer."

3. Dentist: "You need a crown."

Patient: "Finally someone who understands me."

4. Doctor: You're obese.

Patient: Whoa, for that I definitely want a second opinion.

Doctor: You're quite ugly, too.

5. An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon. Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son:

"Don't be nervous, boy, just do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your family."

6. A man goes to the doctor and says:

"Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."

"What do you mean?"

"When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."

"I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"

7. Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.

Doctor: Next please!

8. A man went to doctor:

"Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer."

"Take these pills, they will help you sleep better."

"I can't take them, tonight is the final game."

9. "Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?"

"Yes, of course."

"Great! I never could before!"

10. Dentist to patient:

"Stop making a face, I haven't even touched your teeth."

"I know, but you're stepping on my foot!

11. Doctor to the patient:

- You are very sick.

Can I get a second opinion?

- Yes, you are very ugly too..."

12. "Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea."

"Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."

13. I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

14. Passing in front of a door in the hospital, I heard:

"Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Don't worry," said the doctor. "She is just having contractions."

15. Doctor to the patient:

"I am not exactly sure of the cause. I think it could be due to alcohol."

"That's OK. I will come back when you are sober."

16. A man receives a phone call from his doctor.

"Hello, Mr. Smith? Here is from your doctor's office, I have some good and some bad news."

"OK, give me the good news first."

"The good news is, you have 24 hours to live.

"Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"

That I forgot to call you yesterday."

17. Nurse to doctor:

"That man with invisibility problem is here for his appointment."

"Tell him I'm sorry I can't see him right now."

18. A famous boxer must be operated by appendicitis. From the operation room the doctor gets out holding himself to the walls with a bruised eye and says:

A can't do this anymore! I try to anesthetize him, I count until 9 and he gets up and starts punching me...

19. An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas. Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent.

As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!" The doctor says, "I see.

Take these pills and come back next week." The next week the old lady returns.D

octor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens T

he doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

20. An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling.

I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What