keep hanging on

you wake up exhausted. everyday you slug out of bed, just waiting for the minute you can crawl back into your warm, comfortable cave. you have all these things to do by this certain time but instead you’d rather just sleep or watch netflix. it’s been 4 days since you last took a shower and washed your hair but you don’t feel like getting up and doing that. so day 5 comes along. you slug out of bed again but today feels different. at first you don’t really like the change, it’s weird that smiling came easier today than yesterday. you decide it’s best to not think too hard about it and just keep going through your day. today you take a shower. you feel good after it, you think to yourself “maybe this change isn’t so bad after all.” you wake up the next day and it’s easier to get out of bed, it’s easier to take care of yourself. you have a big day today, you didn’t know it but work had it coming for you. at first you feel dread but then after 5 hours you realize you’ve blow through your work.

day by day your life gets easier. some things you don’t notice at first but they get easier to achieve. you feel on top of the world, as if nothing can break you down. then you wake up one morning and you have to start over. you’re exhausted even though you just woke up. work just doesn’t seem possible today so you call in sick. you think to yourself “but i was just starting to feel better and get back on my feet. what happened?” you start to find where you went wrong. you spend your whole day thinking about it. before you know it you wake up and it’s the next day. you feel slightly better but are still confused as to why you all of the sudden have to start over. you’re sad about it for a bit and then you get angry.

you’ve never been this angry. you want to burn the world to the ground and watch the chaos. your anger is the part of you that knows what you deserve. you’re mad at yourself, at others. then you realize the only person to blame for your sadness is yourself. and you tell yourself you’re going to change the parts you hate about yourself. you realize that you never wanted to kill yourself, you want the saddness dead. you spend night after night crying but little by little you’re improving your self image. you hate that you’re too nice so you start saying no more. you realize that day by day you’re changing into the person you want to be.

a lot of time has passed now and you’ve been a lot happier. you take a look back on how far you’ve come. you cry tears of joy because you were the only reason you’re still alive. you saved yourself from deaths grasp and turned yourself into a person who lives life to the fullest. for the first time in a long time you’re proud of yourself. you did it. you made it.

theres always going to be hard times. no matter your age or how much money you have, there will always be hard times. the cool thing about it though, is that you already went through hell and you can do it again.