It's Ok To Be A Victim: an excerpt

So often we are told to "stop playing victim" and "to get over it already, " oh and my personal favorite, "you ain't the first you won't be the last." These ideals can form mental barriers to vulnerability and this proved more than true for me. It have had to take time to accept that I have been raped one more than one occassion. One can't call themselves a survivor if they are still just surviving. It's become a norm in various cultures to just bury hurt and sorrow beneath layers of concrete defense mechanisms only for it to one day break through to the surface peaking out of its festering darkness into nourishing sunlight.

"Often in the ‘rags to riches’ tale, you will find there is a mother or brother or someone that believed in that person, supported them and help them to achieve their dreams." (Says: & Says:, 2017)

The rush and force to become the survivor shames and blames the victim in and of itself. It pushes the victim self into the shadows and pulls a survivor mask over its face. This pressure to be the super-survivor has certainly affected my ability to come to terms with my encounters with sexual assault, to even admit they were assaults at all. The survivor is constantly told and tells themselves they are in control and were thus in control of the assault and it's affects on the mind, body, and spirit. I have told myself for a long time now that the times I was raped weren't really rape and I somehow had the control. I have been doing what I deem the "survivor psyche-out."

"The whole system we live in ceaselessly creates a state of cognitive dissonance." (Says: & Says:, 2017)

I have been telling myself that because I was an orphan, not badly injured or because I did feel arousal at some point during the encounter that I had an equal responsibility. I don't want to drag this on but I will say that we must stop what I now call "victim squandering." It's the failure to allow victim-hood to be expressed causing more damage to the victims self esteem.

"So why don’t we encourage people not to feel sorry for themselves, but to feel compassion for themselves" (Says: & Says:, 2017)

Being a victim does not equate to weakness. It's takes strength and courage to admit to being hurt and to take time to truly heal. How can one survive that which they were never a victim of? So I am releasing myself of this mentality so that true healing can take place. I am Angela and today I am admitting to myself that I have been a victim of sexual assault on several occasions in childhood, adolescence and I will do more than just survive, I will continue to heal and thrive.

""Every blog shouts out the unspoken message:

“If you want it, you can have it. If you don’t have it, it’s because you don’t want it …..enough!” (Says: & Says:, 2017)

Everyone differs in their healing process. Don't allow that process to be rushed. I hope my story heals, encourages and inspires. Have a miraculous day. Namaste🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿 #ResolvingRapeCulture #MeToo. #DontRushToHush #VictoriousVictimsVoiceViolence

Citation

Says:, C., & Says:, T. (2017, January 19). Why it's OK to be a victim: How the self-improvement industry delegitimises people's sense of getting shafted. Retrieved August 17, 2020, from https://things-that-matter.net/2014/12/11/why-its-ok-to-be-a-victim-how-the-self-improvement-industry-delegitimises-peoples-sense-of-getting-shafted/