Infringed Love

Love shouldn't hurt so bad. This man, (shall we call him Victor) was everything different than any man that I ever met. Appearances never mattered to me. He dressed different and seemed like a ladies’ man. But I was taught never to judge a book by its cover. It's all about how you treat me and others. I was never the type to fall for words but fall for actions. He showed me something that made me more curious about him.

Victor would always surprise and keep my interest even when I was still questioning things. Sometimes he would surprise me on his motorcycle just to ride or take me somewhere amazing. We would go to big events like outdoor Caribbean cookouts and so forth. Take me out to eat. And this would be at random that he would call. Do a surprise pick up from work. Surprise me and drop me off at work. He introduces me to his friends and coworkers. We had great conversations. We always enjoyed each other’s company.

Although I was still healing from a toxic 8yr relationship, I realize I was falling for him. It snuck up me. I didn’t want to but couldn’t help it. I swore off relationships. I have not been in a relationship for almost 3yrs before meeting him and this other guy around the same time. I was afraid of relationships. The last relationship made me lose myself. It broke me. I felt empty. He took so much from me. I felt like he was the love of my life. He was controlling, jealous, possessive, and mentally abusive. So I said “no more”. I will not let another man have that much control of me and emotions anymore. Well, my heart could not help but fall for Victor. He really loved my company and loved being around me.

So, I started to open up more. I let him in to my world. I invited to Philadelphia, where I was doing music to meet some of my friends. Then to a Miguel concert at a secret location. I was falling hard. Did not think I could fall in love again. And this was all in a year. I wouldn’t even make love to him yet until I knew that what was going on between us was real. Mind you, I was still talking to the other guy, and I was very honest about it. I was finally ready for him to meet my family. One day I wanted to know him deeper. Get into his head more because I realized how fast we were falling for each other. I asked him if he had any skeletons in his closet. At first he said no but then he said he wasn’t ready to tell. Cause he remembered the type of woman I am and I wanted honesty. I told him about my past and how toxic my last relationship was and didn’t want to experience that anymore. I asked again accouple of my times then he told me that he had one child. Then one I met his kids at that time is when he revealed that he had 2 kids. I was angry. I stopped communicating with him and focused on the other guy. We talked for a minute, but I realized how much I missed Victor. I wasn’t really feeling the other guy anymore so I ended it even he wanted to get married. Thereafter, I focused on me, my friends, and work. I didn’t want anything to do with dating. I started to feel that I am better off just being alone with my career. I felt like all men were the same. I just keep getting hurt and they only care about themselves.

It’s been a while since I talked to Victor. One day he messaged me. “Should I answer it?”. Why did I? He invited me to a huge Caribbean cookout event. I fighting on whether or I should go. The other half won. I went. My heart almost jump out of my chest when I saw him but I contained it. I didn’t want him to know that he got me like that. So, I walked into the party with a relaxed grin with a little wave. I played it down well! Months after I kept finding out more truths about even disturbing ones. And each time I kept disappearing until he got a my attention again. I was understanding for most. But other truths he told me caused confusion. As always, my heart still kept falling. The heart doesn’t judge especially when it’s the past. I mean everyone makes mistakes, right? Who am I to judge. This is what I would tell myself to help understand and forgive him. I felt special that he was opening up to me like that. Even things no one should know. I fell hard. I could tell that he really felt the same. And it seemed as if our friendship was somethings that was really different. And he couldn’t he was revealing all his secrets to me. I thought he told me everything. 2 years came, by then we grew into something. I think it was scaring him a little that he would disappear at times. And he would make up for it. I never smiled as much until I was with him. This dude would always have me laughing. Always had a good time together. He never bothered me for sex. We just enjoyed each other’s company. We didn’t have sex til 2yrs later. A few days later I was worried something may have happened to him. I received no calls or texts. I was confused. I was hurt. Why is he not responding? Where is he?

To be continued…