Influence vs Manipulation

Have you ever wondered whether a person is guiding or controlling you?

I see this as the power of influence and manipulation. But what's the difference?

Etymonline defines "influence" as follows:

• Emanation from the stars that acts upon one's character and destiny
• A flow of water, a flowing in
• To flow into, stream in, pour in

In short, "influence" is to flow energy into someone or something. At least that's my interpretation of it. Energy transforms into an action. In other words, there's always for a purpose.

So what's manipulation? Etymonline defines "manipulation" as follows:

• Skillful handling of objects
• Handling or managing of persons, especially to one's advantage

That last definition is likely the difference. The handling or managing of a person to my advantage.

I have obsessed over influence for over a decade. I have always wanted to become a person of influence. I do worry that I would manipulate someone instead.

So this gets me thinking about the following:

Positive influence

Harmful manipulation

Key differences

Positive Influence

And why say 'positive' influence? That's an excellent question to which I don't have an answer.

I control and thus, I'm responsible for my actions. I can't control your response to my actions, though. Thus, I can intend to have a positive influence meanwhile you perceive it as a negative one.

I can convince you otherwise, but would I be manipulating you then? That's another excellent question to which I don't have an answer.

For this story, let's say that 'positive influence' is the ability to:

• Inspire
• Encourage

... others to grow and improve.

People will more likely perceive this type of influence as transparent. Of course, some would think this is one-sided. And it is. It's supposed to be. But when it's not, I would be upfront about it. That keeps everything very transparent.

Harmful Manipulation

This involves deceit and control to achieve personal gains at the expense of others. I would use coercion and exploitation when manipulating someone. I would make you feel guilty or obligated.

This is the fine line because who determines how you feel? And who can say how you feel? Only you. Even if my intentions are not to manipulate you, I may still want to convince you. I'm responsible for wanting to convince you. I don't control how you are going to perceive me convincing you. I can only influence it.

Do you see why it's a fine line?

Key Differences

Influence is transparent while manipulation is deceitful. Influence seeks to serve you or both, manipulation serves only me at your expense. Influence respects your autonomy, manipulation wants to control you.

Learn to recognize the two. It will help you with relationships. It will also protect you from people with bad intentions.

Furthermore, when you start feeling like someone is manipulating you, communicate it. Remember your feelings are real to you and you alone. Bring them up and ask questions. Be as direct as possible. The answers of that person will reveal their intentions.

Conclusion

Throughout my years, I have neglected people's feelings. Now, I'm more aware of the person's feelings. I still don't base my actions and decisions on those feelings, though. The feelings are real for the other person, not for me. I do understand this fact, though. But the feelings themselves are not facts.

I can acknowledge the other person's feelings. I can communicate my understanding of the other person's feelings. I can be patient with the other person's feelings. This makes me more empathetic. It improves the relationship between that person and me. Thus, increasing my level of influence over that person.

I still don't force any decisions or actions upon that person. Part of influencing people is accepting their decisions and respecting their free will.

So stay vigilant, trust your instincts, and strive to be an influence in other's lives.