If we cannot find peace within ourselves

I rarely come across anyone with a quiet, peaceful nature or a sense of tranquility in my work as a nursing science teacher.

"Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without."

- The Buddha

I keep asking myself and others how we find inner peace and happiness in the here and now?

When the demand of life feels like more than I can handle and there's no planned rest in sight, it's easy to lose hope and give up.

Often when we feel like we are losing control, we tend to do even more, not less, in an attempt to feel more in control.

We seek to change outside circumstances to match the way we want to feel in a particular setting, ignoring that peace comes from within and not without.

There's a calm, compassionate, deep awareness within each one of us that most of us have not learned to tap into it - yet.

The good news is that we can train our minds to hold space for inner peace to grow.

How to get started

We have to start by creating circumstances that facilitate inner peace because it will never happen by itself.

Imagine the ocean. There are big waves, which creates a lot of turbulence. In contrast, a few meters down, still in the same sea, everything quiets down.

In our society today, most of us spend our lives on the waves' rough surface, and we rarely dive those few meters to enjoy the calm.

This deep, calm awareness is just one breath away in each one of us.

Most people assume that they will be able to access this calm place within if they are in a quiet atmosphere. But some people can have panic attacks while they're on a retreat or getting a massage.

When I first started to meditate fifteen years ago, I felt I needed to shut out all the noise to find inner peace to meditate.

Today, I find inner peace in the most disturbing and challenging situations.

How come? Because my breath is always with me.

I practice the 4–7–8 breath, a yoga technique you can do anywhere.

It's so simple that most people don't give it much attention. We have a bias to think that if it's not hard, it's not worth doing.

To breathe, it's simple, and it's not hard, but you have to practice.

Start with one minute at a time, set a timer - turn of your phone, close your mouth, and inhale through your nose as you count to four. Hold onto that breath as you count to seven, and then exhale through your mouth for the count of eight.

NOTE: if your mind starts wandering, think about the people you care about and things you are grateful for in your life.

The most important thing is to get started and not to break your strikes.

One minute every single day all week for 30–60 days.

Get an app to track your progress or write it down in your calendar.

Do not break the streak!!!

Question the story you're telling yourself

I tell my students what they focus on will persist, and to heal it, you need to feel it.

If your inner life, emotions, were a movie, what kind of movie would it be? What is the storyline, and what character are you playing?

The stories we tend to tell ourselves are like a movie. We press play and start the movie. We play the storyline we created, and our brain gets used to going back to the same movie.

The moment we wake up, we press play, rewind, or press forward to continue where we left off.

We talk to ourselves in the same way about the same things, without realizing that we are playing the same movie again.

See if you can observe a recurring theme in your life.

Ask yourself:

If I could choose what kind of movie I would want my life to be and what character in the movie would I like to play?

Observe what's happening

Observe and label your emotions without labeling them as good nor bad.

They are what they are start relating to your emotions without any judgment.

Simply naming your emotion calms down your sympathetic nervous system and makes space for other things to enter.

Allow what's happening

All types of resistance of what is, or trying to numb what you are feeling, and run away from it, is in the way of you allowing it to be there long enough to work with it."

When I allow what is, I make room for what could be, and I can start working on it.

Investigate what's happening

Ask yourself, with love, not judgment;

-Where am I directing most of my energy right now?

-What am I choosing to believe?

-What is driving my emotions?

Never have any conversation with yourself without asking questions.

When we ask questions, we leave very little space for repetitive and destructive thoughts.

Nourish loving awareness

Observation without action doesn't create any change, so after you observe, it's time to Nourish yourself with loving awareness.

"Ask yourself, 'what would I say to a good friend right now that is feeling the same as I am?

"Just treating yourself like a dear friend is beneficial and healing.

Start treating yourself like someone who matters, and this is what you will be chasing, things that matter to you.

Create an environment within that only treat you with kindness and compassion.

How to deepen your self-compassion

The road to self-compassion is not simple, so here's how to work on your self-compassion based on the work of the researcher Kristen Neff.

ACT

A stands for Acknowledging your suffering or your struggle.

I can't change what I have not acknowledged, so be sure to take this first step before moving on to C.

C stands for Connecting to humanity and remembering that you are not the only one to get frustrated, impatient, or feel angry.

T stands for Talk kindly to yourself as you would talk to a suffering friend or one in need.

When was the last time you told yourself:

"It's okay; you did great, next time you'll do better, I know that."?

"Research shows that when we talk to ourselves in the third person, we activate the "care circuits" in the brain that makes us feel more love.

You are always one step away from creating turbulence or peace within yourself.

The choice is yours.

Keep creating yourself!