I Was 25, I Don't Wanna Quit from That Old

These are just the reflection of the fear and sadness inside me, and of course, there are new excitements that arise inside me. 

I think about my last year, what have I been through?

What was my purpose in life, to make more money, to find a new job, and earn more salary? Or, apart from all these, is it to produce a source of happiness, to take up a hobby or to travel? For example, was it a mistake to devote my time to my personal business development?

I've learned a lesson from all of these over the past year. I tried to do things that would help me understand where my choices were taking me, where I was, and who I was. 

Nothing I did was for nothing.

My personal development has increased much more than it already was. I had an identity that I now knew what was. I was constantly researching something and not giving up until I learned it. As I learned, I started to have a passion for new things.

My job, the job I wanted to do, everything was for him. Because I was starting to realize that that's what makes me who I am. In fact, I failed many times and gave up many times.

But then I came to myself with a feeling, that feeling. He said to me, you are this, girl, you are this. I got up, rallied, and it was as if I was stronger than I ever was.

Now I'm thinking if I hadn't given up, would I have been better than I am now, or wouldn't I have been this strong? This is what boggles my mind. 

In this process, I received job offers from many places, this was the proof of my strength for me. But there is only one thing missing, that's what I wanted for years. I want the right to choose.

I have to work harder to get this right. I need to be successful. Because successful people have the right to choose. When I am successful, I will have the right to choose and I will be able to choose freely.

I started working harder, still working. I want to do it, no matter how hard things are sometimes. That was 70% of the free time I was 25.

It was going so well that until bad things started…

One evening, after work, my mother called. My grandmother and grandfather were taken to the hospital by ambulance. That night my grandma got Covid+, but it was fine. But they put my grandfather in intensive care. He had COPD and heart disease, that night, the test result came back negative. They did it again three days later and it turned out to be positive.

At that moment, hours and minutes stopped for me and my family. He wanted to get out of the hospital three days later, to see my grandmother for the last time. I went to their house to want to see from afar, but he couldn't even get up, he was like lying dead. I went to my own house and made dinner and lentil soup.

I can't make lentil soup that day.

At night, I brought them the food, I saw him from afar, I heard his voice, I saw his face. How could I have known that it would be my last sight?

The next day, he was taken to the hospital again, he could not breathe at home. This time he was intubated.

That night my father tested positive and my mother was negative. A few days later, my mother tested positive. It was so hard that we were all away in separate homes. Maybe it was the thing that crushed us the most, knowing that my grandfather didn't have a chance.

He died a week later. I grew up with my grandparents. It is very difficult to enter the house we still live in now. Covid took my grandfather from us, took him to an inaccessible place.

This was the worst thing I've ever experienced at 25 years old, or even until 25 years old. Frankly, it is still very difficult to overcome. For a long time, I could not come to myself.

I forgot to live for a while, I got sick myself, but I'm a little better now.

Getting used to can be the best and worst thing that has ever happened to humanity.

I think I owe a life to my family and boyfriend, who supported me throughout this process. Good thing they are. God thanks, I have them.

My life, while going in a very different direction, suddenly took the opposite direction. The pros that I added to myself seem to have melted away because of the minus.

It took me a long time to recover. But I have a life to live ahead of me. So I have to continue where I left off.

My expectation from the age of 26 is to progress on the path of success, to build a good life for myself, and to remember my grandfather, no matter how painful it is, to pray for him.

Actually, there is something much nicer I want, but we will decide with my boyfriend :))

Thanks, this was my age of 25 recaps.