I'm here and I'm ready!

It's 2025. Vocal wants to know what my resolution is for this new year. It may just be a wording type of thing but my resolutions are not exactly the same as my goals and projects. My resolutions were created as a response to things that occurred in 2024. They are simply, 1) Be my own advocate, best friend and love myself. 2) Do not beg anyone to love me or spend time with me. If they want to be with me, be my friend, I won't have to beg, Now my goals and planned projects have been a work in progress for the past 7 years. It's almost like I recently graduated. I'll explain.

It's been 63 years since I was born and 7 years since I began to accept that the sexual abuse I received as a child was not my fault. I spent my entire 20s, 30s, 40s and almost all my 50s blaming myself and walking around with intense anger inside. At the age of 57 I sought help from a Licensed Clinical Social worker. An LCSW is different from a Psychiatrist in that they deal with life circumstances like Trauma and PTSD while the Psychiatrist sees patients with conditions such as schizophrenia and borderline personality disorder and can prescribe medication as well.

It's important to know that in dealing with survivors of sexual violence, be it domestic and or rape, the first steps are:

1) Start by Believing:

for Example

“I believe you.”

“I’m sorry this happened.”

“I am here for you.”

2) Be Supportive

for Example

“You can tell me as much or as little as you want.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I’m glad you told me. I’m so proud of you.”

3) Ask How You Can Help

for Example

“What can I do to support you?”

“I can stay with you tonight. Would that help?”

“Do you want me to go with you to the hospital or police station?”

The most crucial thing I have learned over 7 years, and now believe wholeheartedly is that the abuse was not my fault in any way, shape or form. Another is self-care. Taking care of me, loving and accepting myself and accepting that we survivors are all doing the best we can with what we have. When I started therapy I was so angry. And the anger was at such a point to where I had been fired from my job for losing my temper with someone at work. It took me six months of talking about TV shows I watched, music I listened to and bitching about people who made me angry before I told my therapist about the sexual abuse. One day I just told her and the flood gates opened.

I know the above was a lot of information, hopefully not “TMI” but it was important history to explain my goals and projects for 2025. I have just very recently applied to Hotline Training for a Louisiana non-profit group called STAR (Sexual Trauma Awareness and Response) as an advocate. There is an extensive 40 hour training course and I feel that I'm ready to 'be there' and 'listen' to survivors. The hotline at STAR is a 24/7 crisis hotline available to anyone who has experienced sexual trauma, offering confidential support, information, and access to services like counseling, legal assistance, and hospital accompaniment following a sexual assault; they can be reached at (855) 435-STAR (7827). It's so important, Speaking specifically about the US, every 68 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted. 1 in 6 American women and 1 in 33 American men have experienced some type of sexual assault. Many of these, like myself were just children,

I want to help. I want every survivor to know it's not their fault. I want to be there for them like my therapist was for me. It's gotten to where it's not enough anymore just to write about Sexual Assault as I have so many times here on Vocal. Yes, I'll always be a survivor and I will always make testifying about my own trauma a goal so I can possibly reach out to those who need to hear it, to connect with someone who has experience it and needs to be listened to. It's time to take action! To sit in the seat and answer the calls, or however else I can help. So much comes with this type of trauma. Guilt is a big one. Depression, Anxiety, Fear, Regret. PTSD is like walking around with a bomb in your pocket. You have no idea when it will be triggered and how you will react. So my plan is to help. I've grown. The nightmares are all gone. I'm not looking over my shoulder or blaming myself for another person's crimes.

Najwa Zebian, the poet, wrote: "It's easier for them to believe that something is wrong with you than it is for them to believe something wrong happened to you.”

Therapy once a week for 7 years. The government does very little to help survivors who are suffering with PTSD and depression. There's no reparations for those of us who've lost their entire childhoods, or for the mother who after being raped by her husband still has to carry on, work, mind the children, etc. I know I will be a tiny drop in a ocean of people who advocate for these men and women who've suffered this violence but I had rather be a wee drop of water than a dry empty bucket.

So there you have it... This is how I want to spend my 2025. Mere words are never going to convey how very important this is. Did you know that 63% of sexual assaults are not reported to police and only 12% of child sexual abuse is reported to the authorities. Yeah, you can actually live 57 years without telling anyone, believing the whole time it was your fault.

Tell you what. I'll give you some homework. Do this:

Go home tonight, hug your spouse, daughters, sons, your mother, father, brothers, sisters and grandparents as you are able because it is more than likely one or two of the above is a survivor of sexual assault and they'll probably never mention it.

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Thank you for reading! - Sam