I am only Human

I am only human. I have problems, issues, challenges that prevent me from excelling in life like I want to. I didn’t get the promotion that could have solved all of my financial problems, I am in an endless battle with my school that is preventing me from continuing my education, and I have a job that is filled with people who are ok with being average and blending in. I am no one ordinary, I am only human. I also have my frustrations with these issues, as anyone might, and my frustrations are taken out in my art. Crocheting.

Crocheting is an art, where you create life from yarn. Yarn that is wound together and health together by paper. It has no name before you weave and knot it together into something. I look at yarn and see possibilities. Perhaps the skein will become a blanket, a sweater, or even the next baby shower gift. Perhaps it will sit in my yarn bag while I give it woeful glances, wondering what energy I will breathe into it so it will become a part of my life or someone else’s. Some thin yarn, barely more than twine, can become a cute stuffed animal I will turn into a keychain. Perhaps I will use the chunky yarn to create the comfiest Snuggie the world has ever known. The possibilities are endless.

These possibilities are something I cherish, something I project myself into. I have become my yarn, the very thing I myself work together in endless knots to create something beautiful and to be proud of. Single crochet for the simple times, when I want to play things safe. Though simple, it doesn’t have to look simple. I can mix things up by putting one in the back loop of the previous row creating a ribbed look. I am able to put multiple single crochet stitches in a single stitch to add more complexity to my stitch.

Then there is the double crochet, something with true beauty and majesty. You can keep double crochets by themselves and they are gloriously wonderful. They as well have ribbing potential as they add their own unique texture, but why stop there? Perhaps a puff stitch can be added for some fun, because who doesn’t love a puffy sweater for the winter? Each row of puffs their own color, and it makes for a fun project if I want to make a delightful shawl with the most delicate thread.

Now the real fun starts with a half-double crochet. This is the stitch that requires no commitment between single or double crochets, but twice the fun as both. It adds a certain bulkiness that, when done right, will make whatever piece really pop. I still remember the first time I watched a YouTube tutorial on how to complete a half-double crochet. To see my hands and hook guide the stitch into my first double crochet brought forth a childish excitement I never thought I could experience at the time, and yes, I did show my mom.

Crocheting has made the world my oyster. I am allowed to do as I wish and create something beautiful out of any yarn within my grasp. It helps me forget about everything outside of the craft as the yarn slides through my fingers and my hook glides about in a manner that could be compared to a dance in my hand. My mind can become completely blank as I am subjected to a meditative state with my craft. All that I think or care about is the pattern I am weaving, all one way, stop, turn, continue. Finish the panel. Snip. Start anew.

Yet some challenges can arise with the art. Why am I increasing in stitches each row for the scarf I am crocheting? Why don’t my scale-like clusters for my fingerless gloves not coming together as seamlessly as I imagined? Everything comes with challenges, but crocheting doesn’t bring forth panic or frustration like real life tends to provoke. Instead, it sends me into constructive thought. Well, perhaps if I skipped a stitch here, or if I used the loop next to each scale, perhaps that will achieve the look that I desire.

Everything has a solution if I just take a moment to think. To maintain consistent passion and drive is the only challenge I need to concern myself with. I continue on, crocheting until I feel a cramp in my hand, until the yarn begins to rub my fingers to the point of subtle discomfort. It comes with passion. To push myself through, all I have to think about is how wonderful it would be to wear my scarf on the next chilly evening.

Crocheting is my meditation, my art, my passion. It has its struggles, as well as its joys and comforts. Without crocheting, I would only have my real-life challenges and nothing to submit myself to thoroughly.