How to improve self-esteem and develop self-confidence :(1)

The only thing that can control you in the whole world is your thoughts and feelings at this moment. But that's enough! This is everything you need to control. These are the words of James W. The mouth of Newman. He has organized "pace" (individual and company effectiveness) discussion groups. This organization has made a positive and profound difference to men and women of all ages and backgrounds, in many countries, who are striving for success.

This lesson is from James W. Newman's best-selling book Take Off the Brakes! . The versatile instructor offered a metaphor we all know: Have you ever driven while pulling on the brakes? I'm sure it's happened to you no matter how long you've been driving. I still remember, I arrived at the destination several times, reached out to the handbrake, this only to find that just now has been pulling the handbrake in driving, think is really ridiculous! But either you don't realize it, or you do it intentionally: you're pulling on the brakes for the rest of your life. The horsepower is there, but a lot of the potential is blocked, blocked, restricted, and can't be used effectively.

How do you see yourself? Are you happy with the way things are? As you will see, we are dealing with your mind, your mind. If self-esteem -- how you see yourself -- is low on the scale, then maybe you're driving with the brakes on. And here, that's not allowed.

How do you feel about your worth and your existence as a person? That feeling -- your level of self-esteem -- is the most important and fundamental attitudinal framework for you in the "reality" system. In all the excellence and success, high self-esteem is a common denominator; It's a release mechanism that allows your potential to flow more easily and freely. In terms of self-worth, you have established a pattern of "reality" that is part of your self-image.

At the same time, you have been practicing in a manner consistent with that attitude. When you're young, your self-esteem starts to develop, and from your parents and other experts, you get a lot of signals about what kind of person you really are. Some are very positive, loving, encouraging and reinforcing: "I like you a lot." "You're a good boy." "I'm so glad we have a child like you in our family." But some of the signals you get as a child from important people may not always be positive: "Put your foot down, stupid!" "Why on earth did you do such a stupid thing?

However, it's important to note that it's not just what signals you get, it's what you do with them. Look at it and think about it. It doesn't really matter what other people, "experts," people say to you. What matters is how you feel, what you feel inside, what you feel. This is where you start and start to build self-esteem. That unique sense of personal worth begins when you are a child, designing and developing your own life. All the time, you are using your level of self-awareness to build or revise this self-esteem about how you feel. Right now, the level of self-esteem is the overall result of the positive and negative rocks you've thrown on the scale of thoughts and feelings since you landed.

To put it bluntly, self-esteem is a degree. Generally speaking, you don't fall into the extreme of either having or not having self-esteem. And on this scale, it can go from very negative to very positive, from very low to very high. Successful people, high performers, tend to move up the scale: they tend to feel very real, honest, and have positive attitudes, values, and self-attitudes; At the same time, they think they are valuable. At the bottom of the scale are people who think they are worthless, meaningless and ignored; Also feel doubt about their own ability, always love to stay in the closed home, do some familiar or easy things. He "knew" that whatever he did he would have no chance and certainly no result; Even when he was complimented or praised, he felt uncomfortable; Not very sure about the future, always think things will only get worse. It's a shame that so many people in the world live with this self-image: a genuine, honest, deep sense that they just can't do it. Not to mention the negative, but even worse, many people assume that "this is how things should be, this is life". We can clearly see how that "authenticity" in life can "brake" a person's success wheel.

Let's move on to more positive levels of self-esteem. What do people at the top of the scale feel deeply, sincerely, and viscerally about themselves? Valuable, important, worthy of respect, worthy of reuse, and influence over others. People who think highly of themselves readily take on new challenges and tasks and look to the future with optimism and confidence. How delightful it is! And I hope that we can all find ourselves at this level. It should be noted that self-esteem is not the exact same thing as confidence. You may be very confident in a field or in a particular activity, but have a low level of overall self-identity. On the other hand, a person may think highly of himself, but still lack confidence in some aspect, such as public speaking, drawing, etc. While confidence is more limited to a particular skill or situation, self-esteem is a deeper sense of yourself and your worth as a person.

Here are a few ways to do it -- some very simple tips and tricks that you can put into practice right now to move toward your positive goals.

The first tip is simply to use your active imagination. Establish positive thoughts about your worth and reinforce them every day. Figure out what self-esteem means to you, and then turn it into an affirmation of yourself. For example, "I like and respect myself. I am a man of value, of use." You reinforce this self-affirmation while allowing you to experience in your imagination how you would feel in a real situation. Believe that you are a useful, valuable, important person. It might be at a meeting, a party, an outing with family, or a sales interview. Put yourself in the situation and let those feelings of self-esteem flow through your heart.

You can feel the things that made you feel good again to reinforce that positive experience. Or think about something that made you feel bad, or something you didn't handle well, and replay the movie in your imagination. Just look at the situation in a more positive light, handle it better, and feel better about yourself. Feel the glow of warmth, pride and satisfaction.

Another way to improve your self-esteem is to allow yourself to linger a little longer on the things that have worked -- to linger a little longer on the things that you feel good about; Instead of spending too much time crying over your mistakes and failures. There is a world of difference between "past failures" and "losers" -- just as there is between "wrongdoers" and "bad people". There is a set of words that are very important and useful to you as a way of not giving up on yourself. There's nothing magical about these words, but they can go a long way in helping you change your face from cursing yourself and crying over your mistakes to more positive designs and arrangements.

Next time something goes wrong, admit what happened, admit your mistake, and then think about how you will deal with the situation next time so you don't make mistakes in the future. I'm not suggesting that people should run away from, ignore, or ignore your mistakes and failures. Sometimes you kick yourself a few times, a few times, and nothing good comes out of it. Sometimes you may not get a sales order, sometimes you may not want to produce parts according to the specific requirements of customers; Sometimes you may have said something too strong to a child, or to a colleague, and then realized you shouldn't have said it, thinking you said it in the wrong manner, or in the wrong way. When something goes wrong, you'll always have to make your own decision, or you'll choose to wallow in your mistake, feeling depressed and saying to yourself, "Oh, my God, I was such a fool!" "Or" Why do I keep doing this? What's wrong with me?" Thereby lowering their self-esteem and level; Or learn from your mistakes and hope to do better in the future. Instead of getting too bogged down in "that's stupid, that's terrible, I'm stupid, stupid, and troublesome," look at this particular issue and think, "Ouch, that didn't work, that didn't work very well, I'll do it differently next time." Set this "process" in advance, so that the next time the same thing happens, you'll deal with it in the way you were prepared for, and it'll be more constructive and efficient.

When you feel the urge to label yourself as negative, let me give you another helpful word: help you by reminding yourself that you, too, are subject to change.

So far, instead of saying "I just can't make a speech," it would be more accurate to say: "So far, I have found it somewhat difficult to speak to public." You're constantly changing, and there's no reason to think that what you've done in the past is the way things will be done in the future.

It is especially important to keep your thoughts and feelings in a positive direction in the few minutes before you fall asleep each night. Unfortunately, and probably, thousands, if not more, of us lie awake for half an hour or even an hour every night, going over and over the things we've done wrong that day. I promise you, they'll make the same mistake again.