Hood Rich

my bank account sits at over $1,000.

it'll be gone before tomorrow.

this is the case for many people my age -- millennials working grueling 9-5 shifts just to barely make ends meet. every month, i'm holding my breath about a week before payday, wondering how little we can eat that week. every month, late fees accrue as i push off yet another credit card payment in favor of going to the dentist, or getting an oil change, or just buying groceries.

when payday rolls around, i have a brief surge of relief and pleasure, my dopamine spiking to irrational levels. i practically black out as i rush to etsy or amazon to finally order something off my wish list that i saw two weeks ago but couldn't afford at the time. i spend stupid amounts of money on payday -- some of it responsibly, paying bills and rent. some of it recklessly.

then the next day, my paycheck has been almost completely eaten away.

always, i'm surprised by how quickly it goes. i check my account balance, ::BALK::, scroll through the purchases and withdrawals to make sure i'm not being scammed or i'm not a victim of fraud. every. single. month. it's always just my own fault. i spend my own money. i shouldn't be ashamed, but i am. i always spend it too soon.

it's a never-ending cycle of anxiety, frustration, despair, relief. rinse, wash, repeat.

every month, i find myself face-to-face with my own self in the mirror. another come-to-jesus chat with my own worst enemy. when will this madness end? and why am i in this fucking mess, again?

HEAVY LOAD

tell me why i've spent the last 6 hours of my 8 hour workday stressing the FUCK out about finances. why, as a 28-year-old independent pays-all-her-bills-herself full-grown-ass ADULT, making $65K a year, tell me WHY does the burden of my financial situation feel unbearable?

tell me, why am i crying over paying off my debt, when i have a home, and a car, and a job, and food to eat, and luxuries, and time to do as i please...? shouldn't i be grateful? shouldn't i be happy?

dear one. oh, beloved.

i'll tell you why.

it's because i am constantly striving to be something i'm not.

it's because i'm trying to fit a mold i wasn't created for.

it's because i keep searching and searching for something to fulfill me.

but it's not outside of me. it's in me.

we can start to access our own abundant inner wealth when we start to accept these three simple truths:

1. YOU DON'T HAVE IT

the hardest part about living in a society is getting to experience and observe allllll the varying life paths. allll the different ways that people have chosen to use their time here on earth, alll the distinct choices that lead to our incredibly unique and diverse circumstances.

and sometimes people have stuff, and they look cool, and we crave it. we fashion our lives around our opinions of other people. we love the smell of our mom's perfume, so that's what we wear. we love a certain celebrity's style, so that's what we emulate.

we are an amalgamation of all the curiosities and desires and interests we've accumulated along the way.

but it gets tricky -- we learn how to be ourselves by imitating others.

at what point can we stop wanting what other people have?

2. YOU DON'T WANT IT

and here's the thing -- if you ever could, if you ever DID get what somebody else has? does it make you happy? do you even want it?

as soon as you get what you've been fiending for, the joy is lost, the chase is over, the thrill is gone.

and you find out, you never really wanted it in the first place.

what you wanted was to feel like someone else.

and yet, here you are. still, miraculously, somewhat, you.

the unfortunate secret that capitalism desperately wants to hide:

stuff doesn't make us rich. stuff doesn't change us.

stuff can't make you who you want to be.

3. YOU DON'T NEED IT

how much do you actually need? have you ever tried to live with NOTHING? that's the thing about richness: it doesn't require riches. it doesn't require anything at all. you don't actually NEED any material things to feel rich af.

when you have no attachments and no desires, the universe *still* takes care of you. life still takes care of life.

what you need is nothing.

and it is freely available.

RICH IS AN EMOTION

i'm telling you right now. you are rich af.

read that again.

you. are RICH. as FUCK.

you're reading this on a computer screen? or a phone screen? RICH. you have eyes to read, or ears to hear? WEALTHY. food on your table? FAT STACKS. roof over your head? LIVING THE DREAM. shoes on your feet? clothes on your back? ABUNDANCE. you woke up this morning with OPTIONS? girl, you're royalty.

the key to living a life of riches is to appreciate and acknowledge the riches that are already there. the more you strive to have more, the more you will *feel* that you are lacking. you begin to internalize that lacking, the feeling of inadequacy, of never having enough. it begins to become a part of you, to melt into you, to resonate with the frequency of your very being. and the universe listens. she listens, honey! she's always listening. the universe listens to the way you talk to yourself, the stories you tell yourself and the world about your life and your circumstances. it registers your energy, and then -- BOOM, it reflects that energy back to you. it finds your frequency and then tunes to it.

ever notice how a shitty moment can lead to a shitty hour can lead to a shitty day can lead to a shitty week? ever notice how you tuning in to your own suffering causes it to increase?

it's a profoundly simple and impactful truth about our universe.

it gives what you give. and it believes as you believe.

believe you're rich, and you will be, bitch.