Hiraeth

Hiraeth.

A word originating from the Welsh language, to be defined as a person who longs for a home that no longer exists or was never theirs.

I always thought that my home, the home I was born into would be mine. In a way, it is but in another way, it isn't.

It is hard to be the person my family wants me to be because, well, to be frank, it's hard to mold a star into the shape of a square. I believe we are all puzzle pieces, waiting for the other piece to appear. I finally understand that my puzzle piece doesn't exist in my home but in the outside world.

So it is time for me to spread my wings. It is time for me to stretch, time for me to grow, and time for me to finally take flight from my nest. But my mother would always ask me with such challenge in her voice:

"Do you want to leave us that badly?"

I would always reply:

"No, of course not."

But I do. Not because I want to be away from them, not because I want to leave so badly, but because I had the smallest taste of freedom and I want more. I want to experience more.

I want to live more.

It was funny. I never understood why in fairytales the princesses who were locked up were never given books. But now I know. Now I understand why they rebel and fight after new knowledge; because they had a small taste of something they never really had. They had the smallest taste and they want more.

Hiraeth, longing for a home that no longer exists. Longing for the home I fantasied to be perfect. But as you grow up, as you mature, the more you see. You start to see the cracks, you start to see the flaking off the walls. You start to see all the imperfections of a painting you thought had no faults. You start to want to create your own piece. Your own place.

It is important to work on ourselves, to improve, strive, and be strong before we are able to help others. Flying into the world and building your own nest can help you achieve that because once you can fully understand yourself and what you want or want to be, it becomes easier to help others.

Once I know what I want, once I know who I am and who I want to be, I will return because then and only then, will I be able to help others. I must understand my strengths and weaknesses in order to assist others on their journey to find theirs.

But it is also critical to note that it is not necessarily the destination that we seek, but the journey and those who journeyed with us that matters the most. This new year presents us a chance to meet new people, a chance to renew ourselves, to reflect, and to grow.

I want all of us to no longer wander the world as a hiraeth this year, but confident people who belong. It is a new year, a new day, a new hour, a new start. We don't have to wait for every new year for a new start but now that we are here, why not seize the opportunity?

The new year presents unlimited chances, unlimited choices. It is a 'get out of jail' free card for a new beginning. So take a deep breath, set new goals, dream bigger, work harder, work smarter.

Get better, fail better.

Be better.