Happy new year

‘’ Pour dire la vérité

Change tes pas

Prépare-toi à devenir un incendie ''

-Adonis

Joy, health, success, love, peace…

Every new year, we all seem to hear the same beautiful wishes. This time, however, they all sounded a bit different to me. I was reading or hearing them and it felt as if something was wrong -they seemed to intend on remaining nothing else than wishes. Wishes addressed to a fairy that nobody really believed in anymore.

And I, myself, used to ask a lot of that fairy. I used to wish, pray, meditate, eat well, stop drinking, recite mantras, read all her spiritual and self-growth books… all of that hoping that it would bring me all that was missing into my life : health, joy, success, love, peace…

If something hadn't drastically changed for me recently, I think I would have felt the same as before about these new year wishes.

But things have changed.

And these changes made me realize that the things we wish for one another at this time of year, no matter how beautiful and noble, can sometimes be too vague or too far from us to the extent that they can't even mean anything.

These words become nothing more than some eulogy for the dead fairies of our past.

I’m not saying that that’s how it is for everyone. I’m talking to those who are like I used to be (and am still certainly in many ways) -really lost, far from all the beautiful things that give any human life some meaning and purpose... the one who sometimes think that it would be better if they could find the courage to end everything.

But I’m not writing this to defend the idea that those who are lost will remain lost forever. I was so close to killing myself not so long ago that I can only believe now that anyone alive to this day still has a chance of finding their way back into the light.

***

So here are the wishes that I would have liked to hear when I was the lost one, those that, I hope, will also help me to keep going forward, far from where I was :

First, I wish you courage.

Courage to get fucked up like never before.

Whatever that means to you, but to do something that might at least rearrange the scrambled words of the unreadable text that your life hasd become. Even if it doesn’t make it entirely comprehensible, it might at least allow you to catch the meaning of some words. Maybe by just mixing things, the same way that rocks hit against each other, it will produce a spark and set on fire these old pages and open some space for a new story. A story into which love, peace and purpose won’t necessarily come back, but where there will be room for them to be rediscovered, rewritten into your own words.

I wish you the courage to do what no spiritual help book would ever suggest you to do, but that you feel, deep insideinto yourself, that it could be what you need to do.

Of course I wish you joy, health and everything, but these things are not the onesthose onto which we have any real control overon until we find the way, our way, through which they can manifest into our lives.

So for those who haven’tdoesn’t yet have found theirthis way, I wish you a way out of your old ways, as well as a way to get out of all the ways that has led others, if it is what it takes for you. I wish you the ability to forget about good and bad, reasonable and unreasonable, safe and dangerous, so that you can fearlessly take the gun that you've been thinking of for so long, charge it with 6 unknown and mysterious bullets, point it at your heart and shoot.

Shoot, shoot, shoot and shoot again.

May this year be your spiritual shooting range.

Happy new year,

M.L.