Happiness Depends On Us!

What is happiness? We need only to look in the dictionary if we are searching for a definition, which would tell us that happiness is pleasure and contentment, but it doesn't really give us the answer we are looking for, does it? We know full well it's an emotional state that brings us great joy, satisfaction, and delight, and we are desperate to be in such a state of emotion for an absolute maximum amount of time in our life, but it's more so what constitutes this happiness, and how we obtain it, that we want the answers to. We can find bursts of happiness and short term satisfaction okay, yet it's that yearn for overall fulfillment and life satisfaction that we seem to always be chasing. Many of us actually never end up finding it, and there's a reason behind that. That reason being, we continually look in all the wrong places, leading us to make all the wrong decisions, and executing all the wrong actions. Let's have a look at a couple of examples.

A common mistake is found in relationships. Relationships and marriage take a lot of hard work. Many of us have this fairy tale fantasy fixed in our heads, about what love and marriage should be, probably created off the back of our addiction to those soppy romantic movies. Through the variety of different plots in these movies, we see two people come together in the strangest, yet most romantic ways, and at the end of the film, we normally see them kissing, embracing, and forming the vision they go on to live happily ever after. Such films even bring many people to tears, as in their own hearts, they wish they could experience this sort of affection, intimacy, and happy ending with love. The truth is, these films fail to show the true extent of the hard work, dedication, commitment, communication, compromise, and sacrifice, that actually goes in to making a relationship and marriage work. Many people enter into a relationship or a marriage, with the expectation this fairy tale fantasy portrayed in the movies will come true for them also. They have an expectation their partner will provide them happiness, but they quickly become disappointed and unsatisfied. They don't obtain that happiness they thought their partner would provide them, and they see it as their partner's fault. They completely overlook all the positives to their partner, and all the things they actually bring to the relationship, all of what they do, all of the wonderful characteristics they possess, and instead, they focus on all their bad habits and negatives. Because they can't find happiness, they end up parting ways with their partner, and take the easy way out. Most times, their partner hasn't done anything untoward or incorrect that would warrant a valid reason to end a relationship, but they simply couldn't meet the expectations of making someone happy. They are used as a scapegoat though for any mistake or error made, so that the person can use it against them as their reasoning to part ways.

That person then goes on their merry way to look for someone else that can provide them happiness, and they do so for many years, sometimes enduring further relationships and splits in the process. Some people even go off sleeping around, believing that happiness can be found in sexual satisfaction, until they reach an age where they realize that happiness was never going to be gained from any person at all. It was to be found in love and a relationship itself. It was to be found in applying themselves in the relationship, just as much as their partner was. It was to be found in appreciating their partner for who they are, not focusing on their negatives. It was about equally applying themselves to the hard work and commitment that goes into a relationship, rather than placing expectations on their partner to provide that happiness. If we expect that someone will make us happy, we are often going to end up being disappointed and underwhelmed, and the reason being, it's not anyone else's job to, but our own. A relationship and marriage is about trust, open communication, honesty, love, support, and compromise. If we are unhappy in a relationship, we instantly blame the other person, when it may not be the other person at fault at all. Perhaps we are not doing enough to make ourselves happy, because we are not applying ourselves to the relationship itself. Talk to one another, express your feelings, take the time to understand one another, discuss eachother's goals, compromise, agree to where one another needs to apply themselves more, and above all, support one another. Don't enter into a relationship or marriage with the expectation that your partner will provide you with happiness, or meet your every need! Enter into it with the expectation of love, commitment, hard work, trust, and compromise. Within the confines of a relationship, you need to make yourself happy.

Another example of people going in search of happiness, is their constant strive for money. There's no disputing that money can buy us some wonderful blessings and rewards in life, from houses, to cars, to nice furniture, to holidays, you name it. Money can buy all sorts of things, but it cannot ever buy happiness. You only need to look as far as some of the well known rich and famous celebrities of the past, who took their own lives, because they just couldn't find happiness within themselves. Such celebrities as Robin Williams, Whitney Houston, Avicii, Simone Battle, Chester Bennington, Kurt Cobain, and Marilyn Monroe, all come to mind. Every single one of these celebrities had the world at their feet, a plethora of admirers and followers, an incredibly successful career, and bank accounts laden with millions of dollars, yet they were still unhappy. They are proof that money doesn't provide happiness. Sure it helps to have money in life, but it's not where happiness is found. The problem here with people, is that so many of us are possessed by greed. We are always wanting more, always wanting the newest and latest stuff on the market, and we are never satisfied. Buying material things bring us that short burst of satisfaction, that I talked of above, but it doesn't provide us with happiness and fulfillment. The issue is we lack appreciation and gratitude. We are never content and appreciative of what we already have, and as a result, we can't find that happiness we yearn for. Happiness comes from appreciating what blessings you already have in life, no matter how insignificant you may think they are. You will find that a lot of the blessings you have, that you should be appreciative of, are all those things you use and rely on every single day, yet take for granted.

We are fooled into thinking, that in order to have a life of happiness and satisfaction, we need to be selfish, we need to concentrate only on doing everything for ourselves, turning our backs on others, and even trampling them if need be, if it means getting what we want. The truth is, living in such a manner is actually having the reverse affect. We find no satisfaction or happiness at all, and instead, we seem to be forever chasing it. The ultimate happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment, in life, comes from helping others. When we uplift, support, give to, encourage, inspire, and help others, we start to see that we have the power to make a positive difference in this world. Seeing the joy, appreciation, and smile, on the face of others, from an act of generosity and kindness, brings about a feeling that cannot be obtained from any other means. To know that you have made a positive impact on someone else's life, no matter how small the act, it's an amazing feeling. Doing this consistently is what brings about happiness and fulfillment. You don't have to have oodles of money to help others, it may just come from a small donation to a homeless person, or time dedicated to helping a local community club, or even words of encouragement to someone struggling. Sure, we need to focus on our own goals, and be committing to the actions that are progressing us to achieve them, but let's always be allocating the time to be helping others. Obtaining happiness isn't found in others, it isn't found in money, and it isn't found in selfishness and greed, it is found in the appreciation for what we already have, in helping others, and in applying ourselves to working hard on our goals and our relationships. Happiness depends on us! Stop seeking happiness in all the the wrong places, and start being selfless, generous, grateful, and committed.

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