Habits of a Good Listener

Being a good listener is an important part of being a kind, empathetic person. Whether you’re engaging in small talk with your coworker, volunteering at a soup kitchen, or attending your friend’s upcoming wedding—listening to others is an essential skill. That doesn't mean it is always easy to do. Listening can be challenging because we’re often distracted by our thoughts, concerns, and worries. Plus, listening requires patience and the ability to tune into someone without worrying about what we’re going to say next. It isn’t always easy to listen intently when someone is speaking to you. The world around us is full of distractions that can make it hard to concentrate on what someone else is saying. However, developing a good listener can help you pay attention in any situation.

What does it mean to be a good listener?

Being a good listener means being present and engaged in what the other person is saying. It means being curious about the person and what they have to say. It means maintaining eye contact and not interrupting. It means putting aside your feelings and focusing solely on the other person. To be a good listener, you need to be able to filter out the noise around you in autos on the speaker. You need to be able to shut out distractions like the loud jam session happening in the corner, the crying baby in the restaurant, and the flashing lights from passing cars. You need to be able to listen even if you don’t hear what the speaker has to say.

Show that you’re actively listening

The best way to show that you’re actively listening to what the other person is saying is to maintain eye contact. Looking away, drumming your fingers, checking your phone, and other fidgety behaviors can suggest to the speaker that you’re not attending. Eye contact can help you focus more intently on the speaker. It can also help the speaker feel more comfortable talking to you. Eye contact is a sign of respect and attentiveness. It also allows you to see and read nonverbal cues from the speaker, such as feelings and emotions, facial expressions, and hand gestures. Another way to show that you’re actively listening is to ask questions. Asking questions shows the speaker that you’re engaged and interested in what they have to say. You don’t want to interrupt the speaker, but asking thoughtful questions can help you understand what the speaker is saying better.

Ask questions and show that you’re paying attention

Asking questions doesn’t mean you’re interrogating the speaker. Instead, it shows that you’re interested in what they have to say and that you’re paying attention. It’s also a way of clarifying any points the speaker makes so you understand them better. When you’re speaking, the conversation usually flows naturally. However, when you’re listening, you have to be more conscious of what you’re doing. You have to actively tune in to what’s being said and then have the presence of mind to formulate a question that’s relevant to the conversation. You don’t want to overdo it with the questions, but one or two questions here and there about how you’re actively engaged with what the speaker is saying.

Summarize what the other person is saying

This is great to do at the end of the conversation. Doing so allows you to show that you’ve been actively listening and that you understand the speaker. It also lets the speaker know that their opinions are being valued and taken seriously by you. It’s best to do this at the end of the conversation, rather than the beginning. If you try summarizing what the speaker is saying in the beginning, you run the risk of interrupting them and making them feel uncomfortable. If you’re summarizing what the speaker is saying, you need to do it in a resprespectfully want to suggest that you think you know what they’re talking about better than they do. Instead, summarize their points in a way that suggests you’ve been paying attention.

Don’t be afraid to admit when you don’t understand something

If there’s a point the speaker makes that you don’t understand, don’t be afraid to admit it. It’s better to be honest and say, “Wait, I don’t understand what you mean,” than to pretend you know what they’re talking about and risk looking foolish later. If you don’t understand what the speaker is saying, don’t be afraid to ask them to explain it again. Asking the speaker to clarify something you don’t understand shows that you’re interested in what they have to say, but it also shows that you’re humble enough to admit that you don’t understand them. Being open and honest about the fact that you don’t understand something is a sign of respect for the speaker. It shows that you care enough about the conversation to want to fully understand the points that the speaker is making.

Lastly

Being a good listener isn’t easy. It takes patience, focus, and the ability to tune into the speaker without worrying about what you’re going to say next. It also takes practice. The more you actively listen to others and focus on what they’re saying, the better you’ll become at it. The best way to become a better listener is to actively focus on the speaker. Don’t let your mind wander and start thinking about something else. Instead, actively tune into the speaker and focus on what they’re saying. Use eye contact, ask questions, and don’t be afraid to admit when you don’t understand something.