Good Enough

Have you ever felt like you've been rejected or treated unfairly by friends, (-ex) boyfriend/girlfriends, family, co-workers etc? Yeah, well you're not alone. Let me tell you a story about myself. I worked as a lab assistant for a year. I thought I had gotten a good job because it was my very first real full-time job, I felt blessed. As I was working there for a couple of months, I started to notice that I was being treated differently. The technicians felt better than the lab assistants and treated us like we were slaves. They were rude as they demanded tasks from us. I started to get fed up with how my White co-workers were snobby towards me specifically. I would tell my supervisor about it and she always gave the excuse of them having a bad day. A bad day? I have lots of bad days and I smiled and treated everyone equally with respect. My supervisor loved playing favorites and gave them all the possible excuses in the world. My supervisor never said good morning to me in the mornings, but would say good morning to others. She would walk right past me and not even acknowledge my presence. Sometimes she would even avoid giving me any sort of contact. Every time she would say something to me was when she was complaining about what I did or if I made a simple mistake. So when she would talk to me, I got anxiety because I was afraid of doing something wrong. She wasn’t encouraging or supportive and I dreaded talking to her. Later on, I noticed that a White male co-worker did his rounds of greeting everyone… except me! I thought maybe it’s because he thinks I’m busy. Nope! I would talk to another co-worker and he would rudely interrupt me in mid-sentence just to say hello and ask how they are doing, right in front of me like I wasn’t there. I wanted to say something to him every single time, but I couldn’t—I was too scared because he could turn it around to make it seem like I have the problem. Then I would get the blame or be seen as the aggressor and I could lose my job. I didn’t want to chance it, so I just let it happen and faked being happy at this company. I would smile, treat everyone nicely, and was friendly as I could possibly be. I held my anger, frustration, depression, and sadness all inside me and I felt like I was going to explode. I was miserable working at this place and the people there didn't make it any better for me. On top of that, I was living with my ex-boyfriend (who I was still in love with at the time) with whom I have a child with and he treated me like crap! When I would arrive to his house after work, I would cry before I got out of my car. I was emotionally and physically drained from work, from my peers, my ex, and top of that being a mother to my two-year-old. My ex would belittle me all the time to where I felt like everything I did was wrong. He would constantly make me feel like I wasn’t normal. And I supported him and was constantly doing things for him that he was lazy to do for himself. I will go into more detail about my toxic relationship in another post someday, but all I'll say is there are so many people who feel like they don't belong. Never treat someone bad because you don't know what their life is like personally. Showing someone a little kindness could make someone happy; just by saying "Hello" or "Good morning," just to let them know they are recognized. Smiling as you walk past someone could make someone's day. I value doing acts of kindness while I go out because when I was suffering from work and my ex, the people who were nice to me helped me forget that people disliked me for odd reasons.

But I'm going to give you the advice that I tell myself when I felt like nobody accepted me:

Stop caring what people think about you!

Yes, it's easier said than done, but that doesn't make it impossible. It's a challenge you should be up for. Not caring about people's opinions of you is the best thing you could ever do! People who don’t treat ALL people with respect, regardless if they personally don’t like you, it shows you what kind of character they have. It doesn’t make them look cool but like a bully!

People who don't like you for who you are is their problem and they have to learn how to deal with it. Not by lashing out at you. Not by treating you like their stupid or less than. If you don’t like someone, especially in your work environment, keep it professional. You don’t speak to them, only when it’s necessary when it comes to work. Other than that, they have no reason to make you or anyone else feel like they don’t exist or like you don't belong. It’s best to keep your distance! You don't need to force yourself to make small talk, try to get their approval to get them to like you because you’ll look desperate and needy. You don't need them or their approval in order to be accepted. In fact, for the right people, you don't have to try at all. Keeping your distance is a safety caution for your well-being. You don't deserve being treated unfairly to make you question or doubt yourself.

Most importantly, stick up for yourself. Don't let someone treat you like you don't belong because you do. And that’s something that I truly wish that I had done. Now that I am not working as a lab assistant, there are so many things that I could have said but I chose not to. If I ever come across to something like this again, I will most definitely say something. I might have let people stomp on me like I was a doormat because of how I felt about myself. I believed that I deserved to be treated unfairly. I felt worthless and I didn’t have the willpower to stand up for myself. Now that I have my own home with my child and my new little kitty, Georgie, I’m on top of the world! I go through therapy for borderline personality disorder because of the abuse that I have endured with my ex for four years. And I am overcoming that damage to where I see myself in a better light. I had to accept myself and my faults because I’m only human! I’m not perfect— no one is! And we shouldn’t have that expectation from NO ONE. That’s just not realistic!

I am still learning and as I learn more, I will share with you. Don't change for anyone to accept you. Accept yourself first and continue to be different because different is GOOD! Being "weird" is subjective because everyone has their own weirdness in every individual being on this planet. It's a matter of someone liking someone else's weirdness and accepting it. You do whatever it is that works best for you! Never change who you are because you are AMAZING!!! There’s no one in the world like you!

You deserve people to like you as you are and not wanting to change one thing about you. Find or surround yourself with supportive people who can. And remember, we all have to accept the things that we cannot change. Don't forget to embrace it!

“A lion doesn’t concern himself with the opinion of sheep.”