Getting Back to Me

Not everyone has the same journey and it looks a little different for each person. So if you are recovering from an illness, anxiety, depression, in a rut, or maybe just a pandemic hangover it is important to get back to yourself. For me, it was ten months of undiagnosed Lyme Disease and then six months of antibiotics and now slowly getting back to my pre-Lyme Disease life.

While I was sick I was just surviving hoping I would make it through the workday and if I did that, dinner was made, and the dishes were done it was a small victory. It has taken a long time for me to start to admit I let myself go. Either the fatigue was too much, panic attacks were hindering me, or I was so consumed with what was wrong that self-care took a backseat.

Once I had this realization I became very self-conscious and insecure about it and thought everyone around me was probably noticing as well.

The New Normal

It wasn’t overnight that the new normal of throwing my hair up, putting anything I could find on to go to work, and sweats all weekend but it also wasn’t a slow process either.

When I first got sick I thought it was stress, anxiety, or just a rough patch potentially. The symptoms persisted along with the lack of self-care. I was embarrassed but also focused on finding answers that I figured I would focus on self-care once I got back on my feet.

Ten months later and I was still on that path. Thinking well let me really up my self-care and get back to myself. But each attempt was short-lived as the symptoms would come back and send me back to the couch.

Recovery

Once I got the diagnosis in June I started six months of antibiotics. While I was excited to get back to my old life it was a long journey filled with ups and downs. My self-care was still partially in the back seat because I was focused on catching up at work, social plans, and everything else I had put aside for the last ten months. The timing also matched when everyone had been vaccinated and things were starting to open up again, so I was also busy catching up with friends and getting back to some of the things I love.

The Turning Point

I was about four months into the antibiotics, it was a busy season at work, and I was helping plan a local fundraiser. That Tuesday morning during the chaos getting ready for work I put my hair on top of my head, threw on what I could find, no makeup, and was motivated to finally get caught up. That morning I ran into a friend from the book club at Dunkin Donuts. There she was all ready for the day, hair blown out and, put together. I on the other hand looked like I had just rolled from my house to the Dunkin Donuts for a lack of better terms I looked like a hot mess.

My insecurities of letting myself go and little self-care came flooding back. I realized I was still in survival mode even though I was feeling better and more like myself each day. That’s when I realized I need to take back my old self, I need to get back to self-care, and put effort into me.

Getting Back to Me

During all of this, I was missing the girl that loved manicures and pedicures, picked out outfits for the week ahead, and always found an accessory that worked.

It’s now been four months since that morning at Dunkin Donuts. I’m still working on being more mindful of taking care of myself and putting myself first. Each day I start to see more and more of the pre-Lyme Disease me.

It’s Not Just About the Looks

Self-care and taking care of yourself isn’t just for the looks it's about you and how you feel. When you take that extra time to take care of yourself it does wonders for your confidence and how you feel internally as well. Think about it, do you feel better when you grab anything to wear, put your hair on top of your head, and rush out the door or when you take the time to pick out an outfit and take a few extra minutes to put effort into yourself?

While it has been a slow process I’m starting to see the improvements, I need to remind myself from time to time to make sure I’m taking time for my self-care. But I’m moving forward and I feel this is the final piece of the puzzle to getting back to me.