FREEDOM FROM THE GOLDEN SHACKLE
If I am asked what is my inner self-meaning of freedom? My immediate reply will be freedom from intangible shackles of mental pain and agony. I believe once the mind is free to tap one’s untapped potentials, you eternally become free even if there were no physical shackles cuffed to you.
Throughout my life journey I have travelled so far, I have closely seen ISHITA(name changed for not disclosing identity) who is my cousin, slowly getting freedom from antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood swings, weight gain, long sessions with a psychiatrist and related things you can think of. This intrigues so many questions in my reader’s mind. Why, in the first place, I termed it GOLDEN SHACKLES. Then, was it easy to get this freedom? Who helped? Let’s dive deep to get these answers.
Since childhood, she had been hearing the discussions of her parents and the elder people in her colony. Most of the time discussions used to be about getting good marks in school then to clear national level competitive exams for either becoming a doctor or an engineer and then getting a high salary job. This shall be followed by marriage with an academically sound and high salaried gentleman. Ishita’s mind got shackled with this philosophy and assumed the whole life was all about career, career and then settling with another career minded man . Dreams and expectations of parents and society became her own ambition. She could never develop her own sets of hobbies, interests and career choices. On the flip side, this crafted ambition within her academic excellence. On one side, she lost interest in outdoor sports, friends, and socialisation. On the other side, in every grade of her school, she started competing for highest scores and ranks. She started working very hard for it. Fear developed in her mind what would others say if she didn't score well and eventually didn't succeed in her career. This started instilling shivers with fear of not performing. Quickly anxiety, depression creeped in. She became anorexic & skinny and had to face a lot of health issues due to poor diet, lack of sleep just for the sake of academic excellence. However, later she cracked the national level examination for getting admission to Engineering, excelled there too and got the best job offer. So all was happening just as planned by her ambitions fuelled by desires of others. But the next level was even more haunting. Although IshitaI was performing excellently well in her job, getting a handsome pay package, depression, anxiety, and low self-confidence became so dominant in her life that she started breaking into long periods of bitterly crying and only crying. No longer her ambition was propelling her to go to the office(which was her dream job, once upon a time). She stopped enjoying her career and ambitions. Her medications and sessions with doctors increased and was still not helping her.
The other side of Ishita’s life, due to her good salary, was blooming with prosperity and financial stability. Coming from an average middle class family, she knew the importance of money in life. With her hard earned money, she was now helping financially others in her family and society. Even though she wanted to enjoy life and leave her corporate life; her shackled mind was resisting her from taking drastic steps. That’s what she wanted to attain all her life. She was once again scared of what family members and society would say. Will they not call her crazy to leave such a nice job and tangible money. After all they were used to seeing her depressed and anxious state from early days so there was nothing new in her for them. But Ishita was dying every moment, every day. Crying, lying down for long hours in isolation became her new normal. She started getting anxiety attacks now at work too. One moment came when she didn’t want to exist anymore. Her life had become meaningless to her. No one was hearing her inner cry. All this while, Ishita started deeply understanding herself. She realised her short time while driving or leisure time spent in a bookstore, retail shop, travelling to nature’s lap and such small activities was giving her short span of peace and happiness. She wanted to slow down for herself but getting at the top of the corporate ladder was not giving her sufficient freedom. She finally realised that she was chained to money, power, and position which was the only cause of her devastated life. She gathered guts for the first time to say it out loud to her family, “I want to quit”. Reaction was obvious. But Ishita was tired of her mental agony, medicines, and frustrations. She finally put her foot down and resigned from corporate life. She started taking charge of her life in doing all such activities which she wished would have been her daily regime. Now, she listens more to her heart instead of mind. She still helps her acquaintances with her knowledge and skills.
Today, she is not having any source of income yet whenever I see her, she is always bubbling with joy and laughter. Today she is immensely happy even without her career. She has healed immensely by making a choice in her life. Her medications have almost zeroed down. Her ailments exist even today but to a manageable extent. She has a family of her own and her daily routine is filled with activities giving her satisfaction and peace. Her fight with herself had been intensely long & painful. Yet she herself could finally pull herself out from distress. Medicines, doctors were unable to help her till the time she decided and announced, “That’s it. Am in charge here. This is my life” She made a choice of her own how to live her life. She has settled with less tangible assets but lots of invaluable intangible achievements, “FREEDOM FROM THE GOLDEN SHACKLE”.
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