For the Time Capsule

Well, I think we can all agree that 2020 was an unprecedented year and, by far, the strangest one yet.

A lot of the things I normally look forward to came to crashing halt -- movies, camping trips, concerts and the plans to finally travel somewhere since I have never been on a real vacation before.

Despite all the restrictions and chaos of life during Covid, I was incredibly grateful for the clarity it brought me.

I was lucky enough to hang on to my friendships through drive by interactions, driveway visits and game nights on Zoom.

I was able to survive a complicated almost relationship that blew up in my face and continues to occupy space two doors down from me. It taught we what I don’t want in order to realize what I deserve instead.

I came to the realization that I am dying to see the world and can't wait to one day be on a plane to Ireland, New York City, Cuba and all the other places on my list.

I successfully kept a promise to myself that I would keep the 130 lbs off that I previously lost.

Despite the ugly, lurking head of depression and anxiety that grew so prevalent during this isolation, I was able to refrain from eating my feelings by narrowing down my cheat days to only one or two a month.

This pandemic has helped get me out of my shell. I noticed myself daydreaming about the day I get to go out to a club with my best friend and dance the night away or maybe finally get up the courage to sing at that karaoke bar. Things that are usually unlike me.

I joined other social media platforms like TikTok, making new friends and watching others all over the globe post inspiring videos. A lot of them covered the subject of internal growth which I am also working hard at every day.

I came to the realization that, as much as I can talk the ear off anyone willing to listen, I have generally been a pretty shy and introverted woman for most of my life so the fact that I am bursting at the seams to get out there and live life as an extrovert says a lot!

I am wishing for the world to return to normal again so that I can reunite with my friends and family with the intention of never taking the simple things for granted again.

I’ve also promised myself I would take some risks in 2021 and make a solid effort to sharpen the hidden extrovert I know is in there somewhere.

So far in 2021, I've already achieved some of the things I've always wanted to and adopted a more positive attitude about myself.

I've stopped telling myself I will never be a good enough writer to be published and took a shot at submitting an article that was rather personal to an online journal. They published me.

My friends, family and even complete strangers read it and praised my bravery for being honest about my life and my emotions.

Now I want to write all the time.

I've learned to enjoy my own company and to stop looking for the approval of others to dictate my worth. Instead, I have found myself in a powerful position where I know I will be ok if things work out and ok if they don't, whether it is in my personal life or my professional career.

That one was a long time coming and I finally understand that so long as I love myself and stay true to who I am, I can survive anything.

I’ve also learned how important it is to celebrate my achievements instead of playing them down. I had spent two years before this pandemic completely changing my life, my health and my body and I deserve to give myself credit for how far I've come.

To be honest, 2020 gave me the courage to step into 2021 with the knowledge that I am a bad ass who can accomplish whatever I set my mind to!

And better than that, I tell everyone out there that if I can successfully make so many positive changes in my life, then they can too. After all, I spent over 30 years standing idly by and watching the world float on, while being too afraid of change to make any real moves.

Now that I've realized the possibilities for my life are endless, my resolutions for 2021 are there to help me get to the next level of my journey.

Some of them, of course, are still out of my reach due to Covid.

I don't think I'll get to travel this year and I likely won't get my bucket list concerts this summer. At this point though, I'll be happy if I can get in a weekend camping trip with friends and a couple of trips to the drive-in.

As for the resolutions that are within my reach for 2021, they mostly consist of completing all the hard work on my inner self that I can. My goal is to match the new person I am on the outside with the person I strive to become on the inside.

For me, that means squashing all the social conditioning I was taught throughout my childhood. Ultimately, this was the catalyst to all the limitations I put on myself for the majority of my life.

I know there are many of you out there who have experienced this as well. I'm sure we've all been programmed in one way or another to see things other than how they really are but it is our responsibility to retrain ourselves to see the world for all it's beauty and the possibilities that exist within it -- and within us.

I've decided this year I will no longer allow myself to fall back into popular opinions in my head that I am not good enough, that I'm lazy and that I will never become successful. Those were never really my own opinions of myself but rather the opinions of people I’ve known in my life who I’ve allowed to bully me into believing they were the truth.

We reach a point in our lives where we have to start being kinder to ourselves. It's time to hear our own voices, instead of the voices of those who’ve tried to hold us back. It’s time to realize we deserve to be happy and it is our job to find the things in life that make our souls dance.

I strive to remind myself every day that I am worth so much more than I've ever given myself credit for or, for that matter, more than anyone else has ever given me credit for.

We need to understand that sometimes we will meet people in our lives who don't see our worth but that doesn't give us permission to give up on ourselves. We are all remarkable people who need to have faith that the right people, situations and opportunities will come to us at precisely the right point in our lives. There is no amount of stress or worry that will make them appear any faster.

Sometimes in life, we all need a hand; sometimes even a push. Many of us suffer from depression or anxiety and there is no shame in asking for help.

I have committed myself to working with a social worker who is helping me through trauma therapy. She has agreed to teach me some tools to eliminate my anger and grief so that I can learn to LIVE instead of just coasting by on fumes.

I am learning to be open to anything that will help me avoid repeating the same mistakes while expecting a different result.

They say we will continue to find ourselves in the same situations in our lives until we learn the lessons the universe is trying to teach us. I believe in the importance of analyzing our patterns so we can easily see that many of them are more about what we are lacking in ourselves than they are about the people who hurt us.

The stress, worry and fear we assign to ourselves can usually be eliminated by understanding that the main goal for us is to learn to love ourselves unconditionally, despite out flaws. None of them define us.

What does define us is our ability to pick ourselves up and boss up to the next level.

If we focus too long on what we believe we’ve lost, we will most definitely miss out on the things that are truly meant for us.

We need to be willing to put in the internal work needed to help us thrive in life.

That is my ultimate goal in 2021.

This is what is necessary to help us be who we’ve always wanted to be and provide us with the confidence we need to achieve all the things we’ve convinced ourselves were out of our reach.

I want to look back on 2021 and be able to tell myself that I did everything in my power to change my life.

All it takes is one step in the right direction, the strength to keep on trying and the notion that we will never give up on ourselves or our goals.

I keep seeing posts all over my Facebook wall telling me if I don't change my own life, things will always stay the same.

No one is coming to save me. It's up to me to save myself -- to be my own hero.

I know I am capable of it because I've been here before, and I’ve prevailed.

I’ve lost 130 pounds.

I’ve quit smoking after 23 years of smoking a pack a day.

I’ve relocated to another city to start over and prove to myself that I can survive on my own.

If I can make major changes, I sincerely believe anyone can.

It took getting fed up with how stagnant my life had become to push myself out of my comfort zone and achieve the things I’ve always wanted.

It was all worth it.

This year, I will work relentlessly to take care of the woman I am on the inside. I will practice gratitude for all the good people in my life and learn to not be so hard on myself because I have survived the storm so far.

And I am still standing.

My goal in 2021 is to finally find all the happiness only I can give to myself.

Hell, maybe I'll even take some music lessons along the way, learn how to paint or finally write that book I've always wanted to write.

Like I said before, the possibilities are endless.

And not just for me, but for anyone out there who is brave enough to believe in themselves.

What did you learn about yourself in 2020?

What do you hope to accomplish in 2021?

Wouldn’t it be great to write about it and bury it in a time capsule?

We’ve been given the gift of time to reflect on ourselves and our lives, and to put the plans in motion to redirect ourselves to where we’ve always wanted to be.

Here's hoping 2021 helps all of us get closer to living the lives we’ve always wanted for ourselves.