Happiness looks different for all of us, but how do you determine yours? Just as happiness varies for each of us so does our ideas of success. Does your specific idea of success measure when you will decide to be happy? These questions are the same for everyone, but the answers will always look different to each of us.
For nearly fifteen years drugs and unhealthy behaviors consumed my life. Just as many others in the same position, the realities of life seemed so overwhelming so I did what I could to numb the pain. That along with not having the know-how to handle what life was throwing at me, deadening my feelings it seemed like the easiest thing to do. Joyce Myers said it best, “the mind is a battlefield.” The negative part of your mind will conjure up massive thoughts to make sure you carry around a burden that does not belong to you.
Being accepted by my fellow humans has always been a challenge for me. Looking back, I can see why. I was looking for love and acceptance from some folks who hadn’t begun to love or accept themselves, myself included. After all, where does one begin a journey like that? For some people, that journey starts at childhood, with the right parenting, the right upbringing, and learning that stress does not have to stop your determination. However, those things were not options for me until I learned how to seek them for myself... many years later and well into adulthood. I guess you could say I’m a slow learner on the journey of life.
One day, everything changed. An overwhelming hunger came over me to learn everything I could about how to be successful at this roller coaster we call "life." Quickly I learned, everything I was taught in my childhood was an example of everything that was 'wrong' with me. One example, growing up love meant to control the other person, not allowing them to make their own decisions. Worrying about what others thought of me, ruled my life. If I wasn't accepted then that simply meant I was not good enough to live, right?Finally, I could see why my children continued to push against me at my every word. It all started to make sense. I didn’t provide guidance; I sought to control.
Love is not controlling another person, love is patient, love is kind.Praying to have eyes of love and understanding, a heart open to seeing the differences in others, and seeing others and myself the way we are all meant to live. Opening my eyes to a world of understanding that surpasses my own... I can honestly and wholeheartedly say I have found my happy.
Over the years, the journey has been nothing short of a roller coaster of emotions. When I began, I had the notion that “oh now everything will fall in place because I know where my happy is..." Whew that was the furthest from the truth. There have been times I have given up and reconnected with the drugs. Nothing I can say that I am proud of, but I can say through it all I was surrounded by loving and supportive individuals that wanted to see me win, and that makes all the difference in the world. Each day I learn something new about myself. Reflection can be painful and stressful. Dealing with the innermost parts of myself that are 'not good' can sometimes lure me right back into my old habits. I've realized though that without showing myself enough self -love, those thoughts and the emotionally traumatic lifestyle will always linger in the background. Being strong is a choice... and I chose strength.
Feelings are not indicators, they are dictators. Joy, peace, love... they take time, they take study, but so worth the effort in the long run. Finding Your Happy is knowing where you belong. I know that nothing is more important than my relationship with myself. Love, patience and kindness starts at home... now I can extend this same peace to my loved ones with reciprocity.
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