Finding Me

I don't remember much about my childhood besides basically being raised from a very young age by my sister. My mom made other decisions in life at that point in time as to what was important to her. This story is not a story about how hard or how sad my childhood may sound, but rather a story of where I was then in my mind versus where I am now and how it has helped shape me.

I remember always enjoying school growing up so much more than being home. I loved to learn, I loved to read, but most importantly I think I loved being away from home and around other people. I was an innocent child just going through life with no worries...or rather not realizing I needed to or how much was left up to my older sister, and how much she sacrificed for me growing up. My love for learning and reading only grew stronger until I got my first job in Jr. year of high school, and while the love for learning and reading never disappeared my drive to keep those things a priority did. I began to stress over things I didn't to. I turned eighteen and had my mind flat set on moving out.

With this mindset of moving out as soon as possible to be on my own and make my own decisions began my life as an adult. I was always told growing up I acted way too mature for my age and that I needed to be a child. I never understood what people meant by that to me I had to be strong because if I didn't do it myself or get myself there who would? I worked full time, I went to school full time. I took college classes early in the morning, and I studied until late into the night most nights. It came time to take the ACT, and I took it not once, not twice, but a whole five times before being satisfied with my score. This motivation and mindset lead me to graduation, and when it came time to meet with the guidance counselor about graduation and my steps thereafter he informed me that I was graduating fourth in my class.

I was so proud of this accomplishment because I knew I worked my ass off to get it. I did my work, I did my studies, and I asked for help when I couldn't figure out where I was going wrong on a subject. I worked, I saved, and not long after graduation I purchased my first car and began my path to college. While not knowing exactly what I wanted to major in I chose nursing. I loved helping people growing up and figured why not? I finished college obtaining my general associates degree. I went onto nursing school; and to say the least while in nursing school life happened.

My mom passed away right at the end, and I sunk into this mindset of I didn't care anymore. I was tired of always being on the straight and narrow and headed down the right road and never messing up. This mindset caused a downhill spiral rather quickly. I made choices I don't necessarily regret, but do wish had been different, I distanced myself from family and friends.

Today though I can say all these trials, all these tribulations and challenges have shaped me into the girl I remember growing up to be... the girl who loved to read, the girl who loved to write, and the girl who had to motivation and drive to conquer anything that was thrown her way. I plan to use this platform to continue telling stories and helping other people with similar or different challenges through my words. This is the basis, the beginning, and the why behind who I am today. I am a girl who is working every day to create a life, and create a future for her family that she is proud of. Now this story is just the beginning, I plan to write plenty more on different topics... this is my voice, and I believe that to truly hear the voice of someone and what they are saying a person needs to know where they come from and why. I didn't give all the details of my life, I didn't give all the words people said to me growing up. I did that because those words and details do not matter I proved them wrong and continue defeating the words of others every day but most importantly I live my life to be proud of myself now because in the end who do you have to count on the most? YOU!